BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Underground > Conversation >

Partner Product Manual

  
 
Tezcatlipoca
07:28 / 28.04.03
Ok. Tez is very bored, so....


Partner Product Manual:

Thankyou for upgrading from Girlfriend 4.0 to Wife 1.0, although you will find it a memory hog, leaving few system resources for other applications. You may also now noticing the Wife 1.0 is spawning Child-processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomenon is included in the original product documentation, for which we apologise, though other users have informed us that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself so that it is always launched at system initialisation where it can monitor all other system activity. Some applications such as PokerNight 10.3 , Bachelor Party 2.5, and Pubnight 7.0 are no longer able to run on the system at all, causing the system to lockup when launched (even though the apps worked fine before).

Wife 1.0 provides no installation options. Thus, the installation of undesired plug-ins such as Mother-in-law 55.8 and the Brother-in-law Beta is unavoidable. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features we are considering in the upcoming Wife 2.0:
1. A "don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Ability to delete the "headache" file
4. An install feature that provides an option to uninstall 2.0 version without loss of other system resources.
5. An option to run the network driver in "promiscuous mode" allowing the system's Hardware Probe feature to be much more useful/effective.

You may wish to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking with Girlfriend 3.0. However, you cannot install Girlfriend 4.0 on top of Girlfriend 3.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 3.0 first, otherwise the two versions of Girlfriend will have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. Users have told us that this is a long-standing problem that we should have been aware of.

To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend 3.0 doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. Another identified problem is that all versions of Girlfriend have annoying pop-ups about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

Also, it's not advised to have two distinct versions of Girlfriend running concurrently on your system as they interface with a unknown cache named LadiesToilet.dll which unprotects your personal data making it available to hackers. There are advantages though, having two Girlfriend programs running at the same time will eventually interface with LadiesToilet.dll and will subsequently uninstall themselves thus leaving your system free.

All users should also be aware that Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Once that happens, Mistress 1.1 won't install and you will get an "insufficient resources" error message. To avoid the aforementioned bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different system and never run any file transfer applications(such as Laplink) between the two systems.

With regards to compatibility, you may find that running any version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 with the Girlfriend releases causes conflicts. DrinkingBuddies however, won't crash if you run Girlfriend in background mode with the sound turned off. Continuing problems with the Girlfriend range are probably due to insufficient cache.
 
 
Cherry Bomb
08:57 / 28.04.03
Hardy har.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
15:06 / 28.04.03
Yeah, 'cos nothin's funnier than taking the piss outta the little woman AND being all techy about it.

Sigh.
 
 
Tezcatlipoca
15:35 / 28.04.03
I should point out that I was one of many recipients who got this via email, rather than being the author of it. And yes, unless you’re overly sensitive or have difficulty seeing the humour, if could be mistaken as being offensive.

But then as I said, I was very bored, found it mildly amusing, so – in keeping with the majority of threads on conversation – threw it into the mix. Doubtless it will plummet quicker than a lead balloon...
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
19:09 / 28.04.03
It is mildly amusing (or rather it was, when I first got in my inbox last year ) but I can't help wondering why the author doesn't try some simple fixes. (I rather suspect that he's yet to avail himself of Girlfriend 1.0, let alone Wife 1.0, and is probably still running in Frustrated Nerd mode.)

Some users of the Wife and Girlfriend systems appear to belive that the Child-processes are an inevitable consequence of interfacing with the above software. However, use of the Wear A Durex Then, Dummy plug-in may help avert unwanted spawning.

Use of the Shower 1.0 tends to reduce the frequency of the Headache file appearing, as does the installation of the Foreplay add-on. Removal of the Manky Socks feature often works too. Failing this, the user might also consider uninstalling his Whining Like A Big Kid subroutine.

Non-functioning apps such as Pub Night 7.0 can sometimes be restored, at least partly, by enabling Wife 1.0 acces an equivalent application once in a while.

If none of the above works, the user has the option of switching to Inflatable Swedish Doll 2.1 and installing himself in Remote Log Cabin Somewhere 1.0.
 
  
Add Your Reply