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The Anal Boner

Seth

00:22 / 28.04.03

I'm lucky enough to have an Anal Boner at my place of employment. Although I've been working here less than a year, my Anal Boner is already much larger than it has been previously (much larger than I expected, in fact). It was far smaller in my last job.

I imagine that many Barbelith members enjoy their Anal Boner, and that in some way it's connected to their performance. Mine is also linked to the performance of the company I work for: the size of my Anal Boner increases if we've done exceptional business over the preceeding year.

Anal Boners typically come in April (at least, they do in the UK). Alas, mine is already spent. Is yours? How large was your Boner this year?

If I work really hard over the coming year I might get a bigger Boner next year. It's a nice thought, but I don't find it particularly motivating. Am I wrong to not want a bigger Anal Boner?

Good God, it's getting late and I'm giggling like an eight year old.

ephemerat

00:43 / 28.04.03

I've only recently recovered my Anal Boner. My Anal Boner was a wayward child and a great source of worry to me. While I wish to show my Anal Boner respect and want nothing more from it than for it to grow into a larger and ever more wonderful Anal Boner - to be the best Anal Boner it could be - I also want it to learn discipline. Would it be wrong to spank my Anal Boner?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

00:51 / 28.04.03

We don't get Anal Boners at my workplace. We used to get Boners if we worked on New Years' Eve, but even that doesn't happen anymore.

Apparently investment bankers have enormous great Anal Boners as a matter of course.

ephemerat

01:06 / 28.04.03

My, ahem, friend has a problem with his Anal Boner. While his Anal Boner is still only small he is obviously intensely proud of it and it gives him great pleasure. He would like to share the joy of this Anal Boner with a special friend. Unfortunately his Anal Boner is shy. Is there any way to encourage a shy Anal Boner so that he can show it to others?

Brigade du jour

02:07 / 28.04.03

Damn, I wish people would stop bringing these Anal Boners up. I didn't get one this year. It really gets up my nose.

ephemerat

02:19 / 28.04.03

Well I resent the commonly held idea that Anal Boners can only be allotted by employer's within the workplace. Anal Boner is too good a term. I'm bringing Anal Boners back to the people.

05:04 / 28.04.03

That's the spirit! Steal the Anal Boners from the rich! Give the Anal Boners to the poor! Robin Hood is smiling down from above!

Kit-Cat Club

09:09 / 28.04.03

Apparently investment bankers have enormous great Anal Boners as a matter of course.

This is to compensate for the inadequacy of their... other appendages...

Ganesh

09:29 / 28.04.03

Alan Milburn's in charge of doctors' Anal Boners; I think he's sequestrating them as punishment for us voting against his New Deal package...

William Sack

10:14 / 28.04.03

When it comes to Anal Boners in the City there is a culture of secrecy which was recently criticised by the Employment Appeals Tribunal. The lack of transparency can mask sex discrimination - the biggest Anal Boners are inevitably given to men rather than women, but this has been traditionally hard to prove. Does anyone have any experience of men having bigger Anal Boners than women?

Seth

10:19 / 28.04.03

I can't comment on sex discrimination where the Boner is concerned. What I do know is that a full third of my Anal Boner is currently in the hands of the taxman. Still, he left me enough to play around with.

William Sack

10:28 / 28.04.03

But your first post suggests you have already blown your Boner, reflect.

Seth

10:42 / 28.04.03

Quite right, H.I.R. I got rather too excited, and so my Boner was spent before I could restrain myself. I was merely bemoaning the size of my Anal Boner after the taxman got his grubby hands on it. I appreciate that taxation is important: after all, Leap's kids need my Anal Boner for their EDUCATION, not to mention single mothers who may not have taken a Boner from an employer in years. Still, it was nice while it lasted.

Lullaboozler

11:00 / 28.04.03

Cunningly, my company split its boners into two parts (the staff weren't sure they liked the idea of a bifurcated boner, but as we had had our boners cancelled for the previous year we didn't complain too loudly).

The first part of the boner was worth a third of the value of the whole boner. The second part (which is due next month) is the remainder.

Now comes the clever part - if you worked harder in the second six months of Boner Ass-essment you could increase the size of your boner to a significant degree. I am hoping that all my hard work will have DOUBLED the size of my boner since November.

Ganesh

11:10 / 28.04.03

I do agree, though, that I wouldn't choose to splash out on undeserving slappers; my Boner's worth more to me than that.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:31 / 28.04.03

I'm with elephant-boy... had I received an Anal Boner, I don't really think it would be the right thing to do to slip some of my Boner to an undeserving slapper. My Boner, and my generosity with it, is thoroughly reserved for those of good character. I would utilise my Boner in the way I saw to be fit, and with modesty.

The Puck

11:35 / 28.04.03

Unforntatly i cant get a anal boner, but being a barman does mean the customers do give me lots of little boners daily, i suppose if i was not to waste these boners on little treats and saved i would have a pretty big one later in the year but, alas, a boner of that size would attract the tax-man who would pester me with questions about my other boners that i had hid from him.

grant

19:18 / 28.04.03

We were getting Weak Boners here, something related to circulation.

Now, even the Weak Boners are a memory.

Alas.

gingerbop

18:29 / 29.04.03

They dont give u anal boners in school- wish they did. But i assume if i ever get a boner it will be a small boner.

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