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Soft Rock, and its energising effects.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

10:45 / 26.04.03

A colleague just asked me if I could try to download Time Life's "The Power of Love - Soft Rock Classics" for him (a total of 8 CDs). I was surprised by quite how much this request raised my hackles; I have just discovered that there is nothing on Earth that gets my goat quite as much as that ubiquitous musical genre known as American Soft Rock.

The mere thought of those blond, mullet-clad idiots who sing as though their undies are a few sizes too small droning on about how they want to know what love is is enough to make my knickles blanche.

Did I say 'knickles'? I meant knuckles.

I got similarly angry when a friend asked me what I though about Spielberg's opus horibillis, A.I., although that is perfectly understandable.

This has sorta set me to thinking; what is it about such an innocuous thing as soft rock that angers me so? I mean, it has no real impact on my life, either negative or positive. In fact it hardly ever even touches upon my consciousness. Yet it still boils the blood in my veins.

Is it an innate quality of soft rock? Or is it more to do with me? Is life too short for this kind of thing? Do any fellow lithers have similar pet irrational, overwhelming hatreds?

11:09 / 26.04.03

For the record, I really liked AI, though the ending was sappy.

There are several actresses that make me want to grind my teeth down to stumps - Julia Roberts, Ashley fricking Judd, Catherine Zeta Jones. Most MTV presenters have a similar effect. I hate loud music too. I also have to swear at the telly every time I see Eminem, but that is really understandable. None of these things are overwhelming, really, apart from the Eminem one. I will think on it, because I am sure there are others.

Ninjas make great pets

13:30 / 26.04.03

oasis. I hate those smug little b*stards.

I probably really really despise them not just for their music but for the drunken groping slobbering arseholes that sing their songs..

it may be an overblown reaction but I just want to be in a room alone for five minutes with the gallagher brothers and leave them weeping bloody pulps wanting their mother.

ahhhh ranting, how can something so bad feel so good.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

14:32 / 26.04.03

Hehe.

The venting of one's spleen can be one of life's great therapies.

On a side note, I was just wondering who coined the phrase 'to get one's goat', and under which circumstances. Hmmmm.

Hattie's Kitchen

15:21 / 26.04.03

Oh, what I wouldn't do to be locked in a room with Bon fucking Jovi and to have at my disposal a power drill, an electric cattle prod and a pair of pliers...

Something about Jon Bon Jovi annoys the hell out of me like no other soft-rocker I can think of. Christ, even Girlschool and Twisted Sister don't piss me off half as much as Bon Jovi. I think it's because they actually believe that their music is good, instead of it being a nauseating cacophony of aural cockdribble that sucks the dried poo off a dead dog's arse.

Bastards.

A

06:43 / 27.04.03

The very concept of "soft rock" is just completely wrong on a very deep and basic level, and I think that the human nervous system recognises this and attempts to retaliate against it. It's biological, man.

08:10 / 27.04.03

I hate soft rock with some sort of passion. Rock isn't supposed to be soft, or played by ninnies with mullets (that's right, Richard Marx, I'm talkin' 'bout you!), or sound like it has anything to do with over-emotive wussbags. I hate soft jazz too, but not nearly as much as soft rock.

Cloned Christ on a HoverDonkey

15:44 / 27.04.03

I feel strangely vindicated, now that I know there are others out there like myself.

Imagine my rage if Spielberg were to re-release A.I. with a soft rock soundtrack. Deer rifle and clock tower here I come......

16:00 / 27.04.03

Usually I can tune out horrible soft rock, although the jobs where having the radio set to a horrible soft rock station's morning show were the most painful. But Macy Gray for some reason unknown to me, makes me want to smash the stereo....

17:34 / 27.04.03

The very concept of "soft rock" is just completely wrong on a very deep and basic level, and I think that the human nervous system recognises this and attempts to retaliate against it. It's biological, man.

Hell yes.

Conversely, the kind of people who listen to soft rock are clearly so lame they would be repelled by ACTUAL rock, which is why they listen to soft rock. They are to be pitied and mocked. Maybe.

Musical artists who provoke extreme negative reactions within me include:
Moby, U2, Annie Lennox and that fucker who sings like Bob Dylan but makes music so impossibly bland it's barely there and whose worryingly insubstantial 'songs' seem to drone on forever.. what's his name.. I can barely imagine anything worse..

I mean at least Bon Jovi have the capacity to be funny, but those guys - no fucking chance.

Oh, and hey, cool it with the GirlSchool dissing!

18:23 / 27.04.03

Macy Gray annoys the shite out of me too, apart from two songs. The video for David Gray's new song makes me want to hammer nails into a bad picture of him. There is one new ska band that I hate so much they literally make my skin crawl. Soft rock, I just avoid generally. Cos it's bollocks. There are others, many others. I make the sign of the cross at the telly/radio quite frequently.