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My Dad's ill...

Olulabelle

11:19 / 22.04.03

This morning my Dad had a stroke and now he can't speak or use his right hand side of his body. I'm not freaked about the fact he's had a stroke, because he's got terminal cancer and so we have all come to accept the nearness of his death.

What's upset me is the fact that he can now no longer speak or write (he's right-handed) and I just can't accept that the rest of his life will be spent without communication. I think this is worse than dying, and I really can't cope with it at all, the fact that he will no longer be able to tell us if he's tired, or hurting, or fed-up or hungry, or sick of having radiotherapy...

I just can't bear it.

that

11:26 / 22.04.03

Oh, god, olulabelle...that's awful. So sorry. Haven't got much to offer except *hugs*

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

11:35 / 22.04.03

That's awful. Sympathy and huggles to all your family.

Sax

11:53 / 22.04.03

I'm no expert on these things, but people do sometimes get some movement back after a stroke - it's happened to a couple of older members of my family in recent years.

But nothing other to add than best wishes and good vibes, really.

Bill Posters

11:54 / 22.04.03

Sorry, olulabelle.

Thjatsi

12:16 / 22.04.03

If he can still see and blink he can communicate. Just set up a chart with the alphabet and move a pointer along it. He blinks when you get to the correct letter. Then, you write it down on a whiteboard.

There's a guy who wrote an entire book this way. It was a bit short, but I liked it.

Hugh_DeMann

12:16 / 22.04.03

I'm truly sorry Olulabelle. You know I'm here for you. You also know I haven't been. But try me - I Can and I Will. Muchly huggles. LLx

Eloi Tsabaoth

12:21 / 22.04.03

Immense sympathy to you, olulabelle.

ONLY NICE THINGS

12:58 / 22.04.03

I'm sorry, Olulabelle. That is unutterably horrible. I wish there were something beter or more useful to say.

Lullaboozler

13:19 / 22.04.03

Olulabelle,

The chap who sits next to me in work - his Dad had a stroke over Xmas - lost the use of the left side of his body.

Since then he has made an almost complete recovery - he can walk, use his hand again and speak properly. It does happen.

Have hope and a huggles from me.

The Strobe

13:32 / 22.04.03

What Lulla said. The worst time for these things is, from what I can tell, the moment they happen. My Grandmother has had two or three, relatively minor ones, that only affected speech... but she's so much better than she was the day after it happened, you know? The paralysis might be more problematic, but there is quite a bit of hope yet.

Best wishes for the hardest bit, though. It's not fixed like this by any means, though.

Kit-Cat Club

13:48 / 22.04.03

I am desperately sorry to hear this - my biggest sympathy. I wish I was a big comfy armchair you could curl up in.

I hope you manage to find a way of communication with him that will over-ride any problems with his speech. You may find, given the bond between you, that you can begin to tell when he is in pain from his treatment, or tired, etc.

Courage.

grant

14:55 / 22.04.03

I'll echo what people here have said - the brain is very good at finding ways around damaged bits to express itself. It just takes a while.

You don't mention if his left hand was affected... Just now, I'm typing this paragraph with my left hand on my laptop. I've even edited it. So it's probably not impossible to get messages through, if that's the case.

But even if words fail, there's a wealth of information in a glance, a squeeze of a hand. When Bill Hicks finally realized his cancer wasn't going away, he simply stopped talking - spent his last days in silence. Of course, that was a conscious decision, but still... from what I've read from his family, the communication never stopped.

I hope this helps. Be well.

pomegranate

15:55 / 22.04.03

olula, i'm so sorry! i think there's many good ideas on this thread; you will find a way to communicate, somehow. even if it's just him squeezing yr hand w/his left one. huggles to you and yr fam.

Saveloy

15:58 / 22.04.03

Big hugs to you and your dad, olulabelle.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

16:23 / 22.04.03

Can't really add anything to what everyone else has said, so my best wishes to you and your family.

NotBlue

19:08 / 22.04.03

My father died of the same thing (stroke), I can only offer the comfort of the fact that you are stronger than you think you are, and you will deal better with it than you think.

Best wishes and prayers, Dunc.

gingerbop

20:01 / 22.04.03

Nothing much to say other than whats been said. HUge hugs. And like people said, some do recover from them. My granny had 3 minor ones, and her speech recovered, other that getting ciggaretes and false-tooth cleaning solution mixed up, and calling my brother "george-lies" instead of giles. But i think that was intentional- she always thought they should have called the cat 'giles' and my brother 'Graeme'.
I agree that losing speech is ultimately more scary than death. My dad had pretty major heart surgery recently, and i hardly thought of death. But for 2 weeks afterwards, he could only speak one word at a time, and even that would leave him totally breathless. I found myself close to tears whenever he tried to talk to me.
So best wishes for you and him, and many huggles of hope. xx

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