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The Wrong Side of the Tracks

  
 
moriarty
21:18 / 20.04.03
I live in the most notorious apartment complex in Ottawa, "The Four Holes". Students come to the parking lot at night and take dares to see who will cross it. People cross to the other side of the street for fear of kids with baseball bats coming to steal their beer. Almost everyone who I have met has said "You live there?!? How?!?" I'm beginning to believe that the apartments are built on ancient burial grounds.

I've been looking for a roommate, which has been quite the experience. One guy who answered an ad on the local punk message board took one look at the place and ran. I found out later that he's the founder of a homegrown Fight Club (and I thank the stars above that he didn't move in here). Another person not only refused to move in before even looking at the place, but wouldn't meet me here to discuss getting a different apartment together. The fact that I even choose to live here was enough for him to decide that I wouldn't be a good roommate elsewhere.

So, I've finally found someone who wants to move in. She lives hundreds of miles away, and hasn't had a chance to hear the rumours or see the place. I emphasized in our correspondence that the apartment is rundown on the outside, but really nice on the inside. And that it is what one might consider something of a "student ghetto". And I repeatedly told her that she can ask me any questions she likes.

The wheels are in motion, and she's going to move in. However, friends and family members are saying that I didn't give her the full truth of the matter and I am endangering her life. I have a different perception of things, and have never had trouble or seen any evidence to support the rumours. Kids run around in the courtyard. The elderly shout across to one another from their balconies. The landlords are approachable and prompt in making repairs. Are their domestic disturbances and loud music? Sure, but nothing that I haven't heard before. Compared to where I'm from originally, this is paradise.

I'm beginning to believe that the reason people have such a hatred for the Four Holes is because it accepts just about anyone. In whitewashed Ottawa, the Four Holes is probably the most multiculturally diverse game in town.

I have no problem telling people I live here. I'm Four Holes proud. There's a real community spirit here that I haven't seen elsewhere in the city, what with everyone pitching in to make a playground, gardens, food drive, and other services. But all the pressure from my friends and family is starting to give me doubts, and I'm beginning to feel guilty about this new roommate. Now I'm convinced she's going to explode when she sees the place.

It's too late to really do anything about it. She's committed. But does it sound like I deceived her? Should I have told her about all the rumours, or is it buyers beware? And has anyone else faced the stigma of living in a "hole"?
 
 
Elijah, Freelance Rabbi
21:28 / 20.04.03
i look at it this way
girl from out of town, trying to meet new people. when she mentions where she is living people will of course make assumptions, but hell, if she is a young hipster then it will play like she is all bohemian.

i dont think you have anything to feel guilty for, as someone about to move INTO a student ghetto from an area that people seem to think is posh, i cant wait to tell people where my crappy new apartment is, then they will stop trying to borrow money from me.
 
 
gingerbop
21:32 / 20.04.03
Loadsa people from town make assumptions about me, thinkin that im a total country bumpkin. I really could not care less if i never saw another fucking wooly creature in my life.
But anyway, if shes gonna not go there coza what people say about it, maybe shes not the kinda person u wanna share a flat with.
 
 
Jub
22:56 / 20.04.03
You need not worry. First of all - she'll probably be so chuffed to be there from so far away that everything else will pale in significance. If she doesn't like the place in the long run which seems unlikely as you like it so much, she'll either blame herself for being so green and believing you - or blame you.

If she blames herself, you can tell her not to be silly, in so far as, 1) it's not so bad and 2) she didn't know any better despite your warnings.

If she blames you, you can explain you never forced her to move in.

Overall I'd say you're beating yourself up over nothing. It's refreshingly honest for someone to be so kind, but really, I think as long as you're honest with her, there's not alot else you can do except bide your time and see how it goes.

Generally, shit living arrangements are more to do with shit people than shit circumstances, therefore if you think she sounds cool, and you want her to move in, then that's the main thing.

Anyway - let us know what happens!!
 
 
w1rebaby
23:49 / 20.04.03
If you think that you're living in an okay place, then you're not deceiving anyone by not saying "lots of people think this is a shithole".

I lived for a couple of years in Seven Sisters in London, widely seen as a shithole due to general poverty and a large immigrant/refugee population. And, to be honest, it was a bit of a shithole, but it wasn't a bad place to live. It's never as bad as people like to make out. I never got mugged; it was a bit depressing, but that's it.
 
 
Shrug
07:16 / 21.04.03
Yeah I used to live in a building that the homeless used to congregate around in the day and sleep near at night. People used to break in downstairs to sleep and have parties, I'm pretty sure there was prostitution, and the place was pretty destitute looking, hunched, grey and dying. But you know what I had fun with the person I lived with and had nothing of value to steal so it was okay. Also suprisingly the homeless were quite nice! So its all about your attitude really while the area itself was pretty squallid it didn't matter to me because I could keep my own living space germ free.
 
 
Shrug
07:17 / 21.04.03
So kudos to you moriarty for your easy-goingness.
 
 
Bill Posters
12:09 / 21.04.03
I live in an area which horrifies my middle-class friends (most of whom, of course, have never been near it). I'm not saying I've never had any trouble, 'cos I have, attempted muggings, human excrement and used syringes on the doorstep of a morning, all the usual nonsense. But it is not as bad as everyone says and thinks, and what's more, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else, 'cos the area is cheap, multicultural, generally friendly and, dunno, jus' makes me feel as close to being at home as I ever feel anywhere.
 
 
pomegranate
14:41 / 21.04.03
there's obviously a difference between a place that is sort of embarrassing (or what have you) to live cos of other people's notions, and a place that is truly dangerous. if the place you live is the former, i wouldn't worry, cos even if she *is* embarrassed by people's reactions to where she lives, she has the handy excuse that she didn't know any better and oh, would *never* have picked this place under regular circumstances etc., etc. but if it's even a little sketchy, safety-wise, then it is yr duty to tell her so, and furthermore, i wonder what yr gender is. i may catch flak for this, but i don't know that i, as a woman, would trust a male judgement about what's safe and what's not. no offense meant. it's just that i've seen too many times a guy thinking the neighborhood he picked is fine and the girl he's s'posed to live w/being like, uh, no. i'm not trying to sound like a victim here; i'm just saying, guys can get robbed, but we can get robbed AND assaulted. not to mention we're easier targets cos we usually have less body strength and weight, not to mention sometimes wear hard-to-run-in shoes. or, even if nothing will happen to you bodily, say a guy walks home, passes a group of guys or whatever, nothing really happens. but a girl going through that same group might get yelled at; some of my favorite true examples include "i want to dick yr ass" and "i want some hot pink pussy." which, even if you don't actually get touched in any way, still sucks and is scary.
bringing up color is a good point. i too have seen people think an area is bad just because of the color of its residents. hopefully yr roomie won't jump to that conclusion.
 
  
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