Nick, there is only one sensible course of action. Write a detailed list of everything you have to do, in descending order of importance. Burn the list. Take whatever remains of it into the garden / stair-well / lobby and piss on it. Take a photograph of the blackened fragments floating in the yellow puddle. Take the film to your nearest Boots and have them do a 1 hr processing job on it, and ask for as many copies as there were tasks. During that hour, telephone everyone connected with the tasks on the list and tell them in the strongest terms just what you thought of their bloody jobs. Be honest - if you thought they were good jobs, tell them, but in the strongest terms; be aggressively complimentary (use a mirror if they were personal projects). Send a copy of the photo to all involved. Buy enough crisps, cakes and booze to last you a week. Go home, barricade yourself in your bedroom and lie very still for at least 24 hours, then start eating the crisps, cakes etc. Don't stop until they're finished. Strip naked and leave the house. Go to a hospital and get in one of the beds.
Believe me, you'd have to be a f***ing idiot not to follow that advice. |
