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Personnal reinvention

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

07:44 / 11.04.03

i had a thread about this a ways back, cant find it though

so, lets say things are shitty, and you dont like yourself.
ok
now, rather than venting (thats another thread) how do you go about making yourself better? I have heard the "dont change, learn to like you the way you are" idea...suck as far as im concerned, i really dislike myself and would hit me if i knew me, and i have given myself a black eye on occasion.

I started dressing up, worked for a few days, changed hair color twice in a week, worked for only a few hours each time.

any thoughts, how to build a better you?

08:29 / 11.04.03

I'm sure it is about the attitude you have about yourself rather than genuinely not liking yourself. If you consciously try to become something else won’t you end up being a fake? you can change aspects of your life, but I can’t think how you would actually change yourself because it’s your self doing the changing! And if you really don’t actually like yourself then in order to like yourself you'd have to be literally a different person, which is impossible,and any attempts at achieving person would always end in disaster.
To try and like myself I’d change individual aspects of my life that I didn't like and hope that I changed along with it. But to do this I'd have to accept that on some level I did actually like myself otherwise this would be an impossible task.
in my own experience of liking and not liking myself it’s mainly down to the people who are around me, if I have good friendships with people who have a good opinion of me, then that’s what makes me like myself.

09:44 / 11.04.03

decide who you want to be (harder than it sounds) then play that character as a role. Gradually they will become more 'you' than 'you' are now. But don't underestimate the importance of loving yourself- otherwise you might find you are someone completely different whom you also don't like.

11:03 / 11.04.03

..also check the magick forum.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

11:41 / 11.04.03

For a not particularly good example.

13:23 / 11.04.03

I find that most of the people I've met who play a role are so concious of the role they're playing, that they just come accross as being quite shallow.

... actually that's not right. Those that -are- concious- of the role, usually seem to use it for all it's worth (putting on a suit for an interview, a mask for a clubnight, a smile at your parent's house, whatever - some kind of front/mask). Which is all to the good.

The people that I've met that have been subsumed by the role are the ones that often come accross as being quite shallow. As it's still just a role, it's no more than that, but they've forgotten that there's anything underneath it.

What I've found very effective in my own life is using the physical.
Example: I was, and still am to a large degree, quite an introvert. So during my late teens I forced myself to shake hands a lot, and give friends hugs and the like. Bloody difficult to do. But it gradually became easier and forced a change inside. Using the mask/role as a learning tool was very effective.

... if that makes any sense...

13:29 / 11.04.03

Damn! I spelt 'conscious' didn't I? I always do that... rassum frassum

13:39 / 11.04.03

Well, I doubt you hate all of yourself. Let's not chuck the baby out with the bathwater: make some attempt to identify those elements of yourself that you particularly dislike, decide what would constitute acceptable alternatives and work on addressing them one by one.

Regrettable Juvenilia

14:55 / 11.04.03

You may put on a clean-shaven public face. But behind that face will still lie a face with a beard.

15:58 / 11.04.03

Am I alone in wishing that Ganesh would, just once, say something really rash and simplistic and thoughtless and insulting. It's as if he thinks he's better than everyone else.

17:06 / 11.04.03

Perhaps I should up my MDMA consumption.

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

17:14 / 11.04.03

that would just lead to ramblings ganesh, i like you all elephant heady the way you always have been, even when you had the a at the end of your name...

thanks for the advice folks, i have been reading GMs Pop Magic and lurking in the magic forum for the last few days and i really appreciate the time you guys have taken to read this

E

23:37 / 11.04.03

With all due respect to Icicle: Fake it 'til you make it really does work. But, like Quantum sez, it can be difficult to figure out just who it is you want to be. Baby steps are vital; an infinitesimal move in the direction you want to go will power the next step, until you're fucking unstoppable.

I ramble on a lot about personal transformation on my sporadically updated magick blog. I post there in the hopes that other people who want a change can learn from my successes and failures. Take a look and act upon (or angrily reject and act in opposition to) anything that strikes your fancy.

10:41 / 12.04.03

hmmm, maybe I'll try it then, I guess I've always believed you couldn't change yourself but that might just be stubborness or laziness.

14:44 / 12.04.03

If possible: Move.
People in a new area wont have preconceptions about you, and will be much easier to reinvent yourself. Hell, you mite even like it better.

15:02 / 12.04.03

If I may add/agree to/with what Gingerbop said...
You may also find yourself falling into similar old patterns with people who know you well, which could impede your progress. A reinvention, I think, has as much to do with the outside world as to the world within, so a lot of introspection and as much action.
+Just for practicalities sake you could (as previously suggested) make an actual list of your aims and how to achieve them.