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Underground > Creation >

The Revolution Will Not Be Webcast

  
 
Jack Fear
12:52 / 09.04.03
You will not be able to do it from your keyboard, sister.

You will not be jerking off over green-tinted nightsight military porn footage on your monitor, brother. Because the Revolution will not be webcast.

The Revolution will not be webcast. The Revolution will not be Slashdotted: the Revolution will not be Need To Know. You will not read about the Revolution in the Onion: you will not read about the Revolution on CNN, MSNBC, BBC dot co UK or Reuters, because the Revolution will not be webcast.

You will not see pictures of Tom Coates splitting a pig's head with his iPod: You will not see pictures of Mighty Joe Flyboy sodomizing Paul Wolfowitz with a flagpole at high noon on the Capitol steps: You will not see pictures of theory bitches in full-on drag lashing John Howard with Woomera razor-wire, because the Revolution will not be webcast.

You will not hear the Super-Friends screaming "Wazzuuuup!" as they dance around a bonfire of US currency: You will not see Mahir strutting through the smoking ruins of a Turkish mosque, wearing nothing but his tiny red Speedo and playing his accordion: You will not see Salam Pax as kneeling in the rubble, alternately laughing and weeping as he pulls off a Scooby-Doo style rubber mask, revealing the face of Tariq Aziz: All the Revolution's base will not be belong to you, because the Revolution will not be webcast.

The Revolution will not let you make thousands of dollars a week working from home: the Revolution will not show you farm girls gone wild: The Revolution will not give you the lowest prices on Viagra: The Revolution will not increase your penis size by up to three inches, because the Revolution will not be webcast.

Andrew Sullivan will not have six column inches to rebut the Revolution: Warren Ellis will not be blogging lo-rez Handspring Visor JPEGs of burned-out armored personnel carriers on the streets of Southend: Jason Kottke will not unveil a stunning redesign of the Revolution, because the Revolution will not be webcast.

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Apologies to Gil Scott-Heron.
Now it's your turn.
 
 
William Sack
13:17 / 09.04.03
Now it's your turn.

About 8 years ago, like many other pasty overweight yuppies, I took salsa lessons for about 5 minutes. The instructor was a staggeringly handsome man in his early 20s who had a sense of rhythm like you wouldn't believe. He would stand in front of the class on a raised stage with his back to us, doing these routines that he made look crazily simple, wiggling these rock-hard buttocks that even I, a straight man, found compelling. Then the music would stop and he'd turn round and say "Now it's your turn."

That was fucking terrific! Loved it! Pastichetastic!
 
  
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