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Strange work behaviour

12:42 / 08.04.03

Ok, there's this guy at work. He's on the next floor up, so I don't work with him; I only know him by sight. He's always snappily dressed and is good looking and has this deep voice. He's basically Mr Peterson from Seinfeld. I figure he's in some kind of sales/schmooze role.

Anyhoo. There's no guys' loo on his floor so they come down to our floor. It's a small bathroom with two cubicles and no urinals. And whenever he's having a wee he always leaves the door open.

Now I know it's no different to using a urinal really, but I find it unsettling not to use the door when it's right there. It's like this kid in my primary school who used to pull his pants down to his ankles to use the urinal. It's just plain wrong.

But there's more. He always stands on an angle, so he can look out. So when I enter the bathroom, or when I'm standing at the sink and I look in the mirror I always seem to catch his eye and it's just weird. Why does he do this? Concentrate on what you're doing pal!

It's not like he's eyeing me up or anything. It's just every now and then when I happen to look up at the wrong time. Personal space! Is this how he schmoozes clients? With mental wee games in the bathroom? Does he make them so uncomfortable that they hand over their cash?

Come on - share your stories of odd work colleagues here.

12:55 / 08.04.03

Hehe that's excellent, toilets seem to attract the strange ones though there's a guy here that stands at a very strange angle too, shows a little too much if you know what I mean.

It's the hand scrubbers that get me, I don't want to get to gross but what's the deal with the crazy hand cleaning I can understand if your using the place for a longish time you know sitting down and that but if your just there for a short time what's the big deal - I mean I've got to the stage where I can manage to avoid hitting my hands and dicks aren't that dirty are they? There was a guy in the last place I worked that washed his hands for about 10 minutes - thinking about it though I think he might have had other issues!

The Return Of Rothkoid

13:17 / 08.04.03

I'd love to know who it is at work that has a sprinkler attachment instead of a cock, if the state of the goddamned cubicle is anything to go by... bleh.

Fuck, I work in publishing. Maybe it'd be easier to share "normal" stories than ones about oddjobs?

13:22 / 08.04.03

Well a story is a story. I could have started a thread about toilet etiquette, but thought I'd broaden the net a little. We can talk about whatever you want. Normal stories, strange stories, stories of fighting grizzly bears in the woods, stories about urinating on your hands. I'm just bored at work basically.

13:24 / 08.04.03

What really bugs me is that when you settle yourself down in a cubicle with a Woodbine and the Racing Post to do the necessary, why do people always have to come and USE THE CUBICLE NEXT TO YOURS!?! It's bad enough having to carry out these kind of bodily functions in a semi public place but at least other people could have the nous to use a cubicle further away or come back later or something.

Grrr.

Not that I use the toilets at work, though. That happened to someone I know. Once.

13:30 / 08.04.03

A friend had a flatmate who refused to contribute to the loo roll budget on the grounds that he "only shat at work".

And someone here always leaves the loo roll with big damp fingerprints on it, so that you daren't touch it because you don't know if it's water or wee.

Other people, yeech.

13:30 / 08.04.03

I used to wash my hands all the time - 'cos I had OCD. It's actually very distressing... and public toilets are a nightmare.

I haven't really got any strange work behaviour stories...I've only worked at a video shop (nothing like Clerks, more's the pity) where the bloke in charge tried to shag everyone that was not me. And a petrol station, where my co-workers tried to shag firemen (don't leave your engines running while you fill up, boys and girls). And a tarot phoneline. And believe me, there's nothing remotely funny about that.

13:35 / 08.04.03

Something I've always wanted to know... when a group of blokes, friends, colleagues, whatever, walk into a public loo to use the urinals, do they avoid taking adjacent urinals? Or do they get cosy?

13:47 / 08.04.03

sorry chol- its a big secret of the same order as the reason why many women go the toilet in pairs...

13:49 / 08.04.03

Hey, I've worked a Tarot phoneline and there were some *very* funny things about that...

Groups of blokes spread out to wee, to occupy the largest territory as it were. (And you have my sympathy, OCD is a nightmare- I often feel I am skirting the edge of it and have to cut down on my superstitions)

I used to work with a guy who would work late, and when everyone had gone he would bring hookers in and shag them on the boss's desk.
Now I work for the Council, plenty of weirdness I can tell you...

13:51 / 08.04.03

We tend to avoid closeness. In fact there is a strict pattern, followed it seems everywhere. First bloke goes to one of the end urinals, next one goes to the other end urinal, next one goes to the middle, then everyone fills in the gaps (depending on how many urinals there are), no one ever stands next to soemone else if they can help it.

Sorry sleazenation, just spilled the beans ;-)

The Return Of Rothkoid

14:10 / 08.04.03

It's the same principle as choosing a seat on the tube, really.

WE have someone at work who must have a massive arse. Because one of the oldschool toilet seats there has been BROKEN IN HALF.

What the fuck do you have to do to one of those things to crack them? I mean... jesus!

14:23 / 08.04.03

The tarot phoneline depressed the hell out of me. Some company overcharging people for comfort they could get for pennies from the Samaritans (as far as I am concerned the Samaritans aren't that useful, but to these people, I think that was all they really needed). And getting paid pennies myself wasn't that great either...nor was getting treated like shit by the operators (it was a work-from-home job). I prefer reading for friends and their acquaintances, preferably in a haze of dope smoke...

15:17 / 08.04.03

Cholister- you are of a like mind to myself in so many ways. I found the same, people want someone to listen to them, and sometimes someone to say "You are undervalued at work, you will be lucky in love, you will stay healthy, you will meet an interesting stranger this week" etc. etc. That was why I had to give it up, I got sick of the gullibility of the punters desperate to believe. Waste of magic.

My new workmate is a Podiatrist with an interest in art history and military history- she's nice though. Are those odd things?

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

15:53 / 08.04.03

where i work we had a couple get fired for having sex in the restroom.

as far as funny stories go, most of them would seem like inside jokes unless i wrote up backrounds for all involved

I work in a call center, rows of desks and people on the phone. Now, we have an internal mail system, and there is one person who is always peeking at others screens. This only becomes an issue when our email is not used for business, but for setting up dates. After weeks of looking over our shoulders we just decided to go with it, and one day mid sentance a friend of mine typed, in large letters, "No Feel Free To Read My Email Spy Spy Spy Spy"

had me rolling when i saw it...

16:31 / 08.04.03

Apparently Robert Maxwell used to make his much put upon employees have conversations and meeting with him while he sat on the loo, having a shit - w/the door open, natch. A trait he shared with none other thanLyndon Johnson - power politcs, eh?

21:53 / 08.04.03

I used to work for a big, big, City firm of accountants, manangement consultants and insolvency practitioners. Anyway, other ranks got open plan offices while partners and top management got spaces divided up as offices (much like The Office IYKWIM). Just one office had a comfy settee in it, and it was rumoured that there was where the more amourous of our colleagues would 'liaise'.

Well, I learned the real use of it: the partner whose office it was bred show dogs and he'd bring the bitches (no pun intended) to work with him when they were due, and that was their whelping settee!!

22:18 / 08.04.03

Not so weird where I am now, so far as I know, but I used to work in a place where one guy used to boast about regularly having a wank in the toilet cubicles. I thought he was kidding until one day when I sat down to crap and saw, on the back of the door just above eye level, a series of drawing-pin holes where someone had fixed something to look at while keeping their hands free.

Some months later, on a particularly sunny morning, I noticed the dried sweat-print of a naked woman's arse etc. on the photocopier platten. Now, there was only one woman in the office. The boss. The cleaners were men.

busy licking richard nixon

22:58 / 08.04.03

I'm still applauding from the time a colleague waltzed into the office at 9am, high on a cocktail of illegal drugs, and proceeded to all the boss a "fucking muppet" before all present.

But now I remember it more clearly, that was me. Anyone employing round here?

23:25 / 08.04.03

There's one guy, I'm not sure where he sits but it must be very near me, who is constantly hawking and spitting, and not quietly, a really loud shouted "hhhhAAAACCCHHHH PEAH". Nobody else seems to notice or comment, but every time it happens I still look round. I don't know whether this is just something that's acceptable at this workplace. Maybe I should try it, next time I have a heavy cold.

09:31 / 09.04.03

Anyone employing round here?

Yeah, come and work for me, get fucked on drugs and call me a muppet.

09:53 / 09.04.03

I can believe the stories about Maxwell having meetings while on the toilet. I know someone who worked as a HR officer for Maxwell who told me about a meeting (Cap'n Bob wasn't taking a shit at this one) to discuss a senior employee's lack of progress in setting up The European newspaper. Apparently he had run up huge expenses on the company credit card with precious little to show for it. Asked to explain this, the employee said "These things take time. I'm not a magician." "I am," replied Maxwell, "Your fucking job's disappeared. Now fuck off." Meeting over.

The Return Of Rothkoid

10:35 / 09.04.03

Sax, you are Jim Henson, and I claim my two Snowths.

Crimes_Of_Fashion

10:41 / 09.04.03

The trick is to find a job where a cocktail of illegal drugs

compliment the work.

10:46 / 09.04.03

Prostitution it is, then.

Whisky Priestess

12:28 / 09.04.03

Try advertising. Or acting.

23:51 / 09.04.03

Yep, id go for advertising. In fact, just accepted my offer 2 do marketing at uni. What a combination of drug-taking opportunities :P

03:27 / 10.04.03

Don King story. Guy comes in and sees Don finish up his piss. He starts to walk out, bypassing the sink and the guy says "Hey man, ain't you gonna wash your hands?"

Don King looks at him and says "My dick is clean. I wash my hands before I go."