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Amor platonicus / amor fervidissimus

wembley can change in 28 days

16:45 / 02.04.03

I feel like talking about it because I'm living it: a dangerously platonic relationship between myself and a potentially significant other. We crossed the platonic line very briefly and then came back into the Friend Zone - but it's a little bizarre. We sleep in the same bed for the pleasure and comfort of human contact but there's no sex; we have no problem hanging out in the sauna but kiss on the cheek only. Granted, I'd probably be shagging him already if he hadn't said he didn't want that kind of relationship with all of its possession and baggage (possibly has been watching The English Patient too much lately). But now that it's settled a little, I find I'm growing really happy with it (. I get pretty much all the human companionship I could want, with less of the paranoia.

On the other hand, I feel ridiculously like I'm 13 again. Do 20-somethings still have relationships like this? Have you ever had (and been able to maintain) such a platonic relationship? To what extent are you in love with your friends?

Last question: should I just drug him?

17:22 / 02.04.03

Yes, you should drug him. Chain him in the closet. Let him out for walkies, and menial tasks. You'll get all the human companionship you could want, and NONE of the paranoia.

As far as I can tell, "dangerously platonic" means the lid could blow off at any moment... sleeping in the same bed sounds like juggling radioactive isotopes in the hope that you get superpowers, whereas radiation poisoning is far more likely. Sorry to be so pessimistic, but IMExp, "horribly attracted to platonic friend" scenarios involve a little heartbreak. If you're lucky.

So, resign yourself to the fact that you may never have anything more, uhhh, intimate with this person, that the both of you will have to watch one another be happy with other people; with any luck, you'll be the best friends each other could have. It's not a bad thing, just difficult.

Wait a second, here i'm dispensing asshole-advice, and I haven't answered your actual questions. 20-somethings do have relationships like this, but many of the unwise ones are doomed to torment therein. I've found it... satisfying to be platonic with people I'm horribly attracted to, but only through the aforementioned resignation above(which is quite nice, when you realize a couple hiccups of the loins are probably not worth a rewarding freindship). And having a gf helps. I'm in love with all my friends; it's why I frequently leave their lives for extended periods.

17:23 / 02.04.03

oh, and Good Luck, with whatever you really want.

17:29 / 02.04.03

> Do 20-somethings still have relationships like this?

Yes, they do, dear. At least I did - all that sleeping in the same bed thing, included.
We've managed to keep it like that for two or three months - I hope you have better luck, if you really like this kind of relationship (can I call it that?)

But in case you cross the line once, know that the platonic thing will be over - there's no having all that physical friendly contact without it evolving to something more fervent. Even the simplest hug can evoke the previous sexual contact, at least in my experience, and it's real torture. And unless you have a very strong will to stop it from happening at regular weekly intervals, or one of you finds a romantic partner, it'll be like that for quite a while. I wouldn't see a problem with that but, personally, I've never been able to deal with the "indefinite" aspect - I hate being stuck.

>I get pretty much all the human companionship I could want, with less of the paranoia.

At times in my life, that was all I could wish for. But eventually I always longed for the "something else", you know? Your case could, of course, be different.

Anyways, good luck!

We're The Great Old Ones Now

18:02 / 02.04.03

Relax about it.

Ask yourself, are you friends because you're friends, or friends because you're attracted to each other? If the latter, stop pissing about. Take your shot or it will sour your friendship.

If you're real friends, if you really know each other that well, you can try the love thing, and then let it go again.

Be honest.

I never said it was easy.

19:30 / 02.04.03

There's nothing wrong with taking things as they come, you know.

20:18 / 02.04.03

Hmm. My best friend caused a lot of this kinda thing(well i had "amor fervidissimus" for him and he had "amor platonicus" for me), but it all sorted itself out and now we're all groovy,and yes occasionally sleeping in the same bed.

Maybe its just me, but when i was 13 there was no WAY i could have a platonic relationship. Ok im only 3 years older now, but it seems much different. Then, any guy who ever spoke to me, id have a huge crush on.

But now with my best friend, hes probably the best friend iv ever had. I do feel like his big sister sumtimes (even tho hes older than me) like when he gets with sum1, and its like *grrrr, get away from my craig!* Strange.

Just think, if YOU'RE confused about a platonic relationship, give pity to bisexuals.. then EVERY friendship is kinda in the same situation. (well,not the 1s that arent, but u kno what i mean. Theres 'potential' in everyone!) xx

PS drugim!