BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Underground > Temple >

Helping someone...

  
 
23chao5
15:18 / 29.03.03
I don't want to go into too much detail because I hate talking about someone else "behind their back" online, but this is for beneficial purposes...

I have recently (2 days after the equinox, actually) gotten involved with a girl who I had a crush on for quite sometime. The beginnings were rather tricky and drunken, and things changed quickly, revealing that she is not ready for a relationship and that she is simply confused, and in general in a phase of intense transition--she is trying to put her life back together in a variety of ways and is of course thus not willing to drag someone down into it or hurt anyone or herself by getting involved in anything romantic.

This all happened very intensely over a few days, a lot of strange syncrhonicities happened that really led me to think on some level that I'm supposed to have this friendship with her. I've been working on letting go of all needs and desires and projections related to her so I may become a truly caring and compassionate friend, but I kind of want to do something more... I have already made a servitor with the intent of helping her attain the levels of responsibility she really wants to attain, but I want to go further and start doing workings that will really allow her to break through the walls that have built up around her, to help her keep from falling into depression and drinking, to heal her, and most of all at this moment to protect her from those who would harm her (intentionally or not...) in this time of change and vulnerability.

So far, aside from that servitor, I've been doing Tong-len Tibetan Buddhist meditation for her, and when around her actively working to reaffirm in my head, "Let me not become possessive. Let me take joy in her joy, and transform her suffering into healing." Other than this I want to do something more... I feel this very strange intense connection to her, and there is something very magickal about her, though she has in effect given up really working with magick for a while (due to her depression).

Another thing--I am convinced she is very much related to the Moon and the Earth. She used to practice Wicca, and her actual name very directly references the Moon goddess and the earthly virgin. I really think there is something in this attribution to be worked with, as well as to be careful with--I don't want to be driven to "Lunacy" by this, and I hope she too can get out of the forces that have been pulling her around for some time.

So any suggestions or ideas or thoughts? It would be much appreciated.
 
 
LVX23
23:32 / 29.03.03
Sounds quite tricky.

My main advice is "be careful".

Also, really honestly look at your motivations. It sounds like your efforts to help her are likely to create further attachments. Are you really only helping her to help, or are you helping her so that she'll be in a better place and realize you're the One...?

Perhaps you need the sacrificial "rebirth through putrifaction" experience, but I would be careful not to sacrifice too much of your Self to her. My experience with these types of situations is - and I've been through a few on my own and watched a few friends go through them - often once the person is healed, they are different, born anew, and want to experience more of life than just being with their savior.

However, as noted above, it may be that you need this experience for your own development. (And I also may not know what the hell I'm talking about).

I guess ultimately your heart will lead you...But often the heart desires fire.

Oh, BTW, I met my wife this way. It was amazing, mystical powerful, she had problems and issues, she left me after a year of craziness, it was horrible, I wanted to die but I wanted to save her, I didn't want anything to do with her for a few years, we got back together at Burning Man, fell in love, I continued to fear her wrath even though she was working on herself, and eventually things between us settled and grew into a deep commitment requiring a lot of upkeep, and we got married at Burning Man 3 years later.

So, your call, mate.
 
 
23chao5
14:29 / 30.03.03
Thanks for the honest reply... I realize this is very tricky and difficult. I have been in this situation before and I realize how many layers of attachment I have to dig through to actually get to pure motivations, because regardless of everything I am suddenly in a trusted position where I might be able to be very helpful, where no one else might be. I guess this is just one of those situations where it's going to be less about magick and more about just being receptive, to myself and her, and being honest with myself about what I can handle.
 
  
Add Your Reply