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It's hammer time...

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Ethan Hawke

19:04 / 20.03.03

Optimus Prime Heads off to War.

In other news, Donald Rumsfeld heard repeatedly muttering "By the power of Greyskull" to himself.

Regrettable Juvenilia

19:23 / 20.03.03

Todd, that story seems to be real. There must be some mistake. With the universe.

Bill Posters

05:39 / 21.03.03

No Fly, it's just that the events happened in Amerikkka, where suchlike is a perfectly normal ocurrance.*

* Bill Posters wishes to apologise to any Amerikkkans harmed during the reading of that post.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

07:36 / 21.03.03

I so have to see that speech. And Flyboy- that is indeed priceless.

I'm currently having mixed feelings about last night's demo- one the one hand, it was reassuring, it was largely peaceful, it was a great evening out with likeminded people (and it was lovely bumping into angel, invisible al and friends, and getting Bagpuss painted on my forehead with "Bagpuss says no war" next to him) but it was also kind of disheartening that despite all this, the shit's still going down. And kind of dodgy to feel that people were still being blown up while we were having such a great time demonstrating our disgust at it.

Cherry Bomb

07:53 / 21.03.03

Am I the only person who thinks the anti-war movement's new slogan should be STOP: HAMMERTIME?

New meaning to "...the hammer's just too hype."

Bill Posters

07:53 / 21.03.03

I agree that the 'carnival demo' feels a bit odd at the mo Chairman. But at least stuff like that doesn't frighten the public, or the police for that matter. I know some demos are roadblocks, but is pissing off tired commuters actually all that helpful either? Fuck knows, I'm too tired right now. But I think I'll go to Parliament Sq today, not the sit-down job at Old Street which appears to involve non-violent civil disobediance (i.e. traffic stopping). Anyway, we're at least not being ignored by the meeja, that's the main thing.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

07:54 / 21.03.03

Prime says the toy actually filled a void in his life when it came out.

"My dad passed away the year before and I didn't have anybody really around, so I really latched onto him when i was a kid," he said.

And this man is given a gun and allowed to go out and kill people.

Brian O'hanrarararahan was on the BBC News yesterday telling us about how these missiles are so smart that when they are fired at a building they destroy just that building and everything els around that building is left intact. Sounds suspiciously like the 'we can fly intelligent missiles down Iraqi chimneys' propaganda from the Allies in the last war which turned out to be true only because the Allies thought Iraqi chimneys covered a ten mile area around the centre of the building.

Sax

08:37 / 21.03.03

Having said that, I did see in Kosovo Serb police headquarters which had been brought down by smart missiles with the buildings on either side pretty much intact apart from a couple of blown out windows.

Jack Fear

15:00 / 21.03.03

Oh, yeah. They've had twelve years to refine the technology, guys: this not Gulf War I, where it took literally days to program the flight path for a Cruise missile—new GPS tech now makes it possible to change flight paths in seconds.

This generation of precision muitions are a lot more, well, precise: the weak link in the chain is intelligence. They'll go where they're pointed, but if the information is inaccurate or out of date—as with the Chinese embassy bombing in Kosovo—the results can be disastrous.

Ethan Hawke

15:12 / 21.03.03

Jack has been reading Easterbrook....I like that guy. I even read his NFL column during the winter, although I don't really like football.

I wonder if the US have spec ops people in Baghdad as target spotters.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:28 / 21.03.03

I'm sure the tech is very impressive... but if they can't fly a helicopter properly, why trust 'em with the big stuff?

Jack Fear

15:37 / 21.03.03

That was uncalled-for, don't you think?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:47 / 21.03.03

Very. And I apologise, not having meant to cause offence. But really.
There's been so much gloating from the hawks about "our" amazing technology...
It's suddenly newsworthy that "Iraqis have been firing at our troops"... like, what the fuck are they supposed to do?
Hey, don't get me wrong, here. I'm not happy about English, or American, or indeed Iraqi troops dying. (I am starting to lose faith in helicopters, though.)

And it was kind of remarkable that on 11/9 there wasn't much more devastation... I'm not making any kind of conspiracist point here, just saying that that shit does happen...

Oh, and back to the point... the things that freak me out most are reports that Iraqis are avoiding their bomb shelters like the plague... hmmm. was it something we did?

Bill Posters

18:41 / 21.03.03

but if they can't fly a helicopter properly, why trust 'em with the big stuff?

That was very out of line Stoatie. Everyone knows NASA designs these missiles, and heck, they've been sending shuttles into space for years without any hitches whatso...

Damn. Um, I'll rethink this argument, I promise.

Ethan Hawke

18:44 / 21.03.03

I bet more U.S. soldiers have been killed by their own helicopters than have been killed by enemy fire since the Vietnam conflict.

pointless and uncalled for

10:05 / 23.03.03

It could just be me that thinks this but isn't Hammertime a little bit on the dated side to be used in new millenia propoganda. They drop tons of cash to have a Hollywood consultant to build a stage and everything and they can't come up with a better quote than that.

Personally I would have instantly converted to the coalition of the very well bribed if he had come up with "When the President says go, then Uno, dos, tres, it's on, Did you ever think a pimp rock a microphone?."

I wonder if that track has been getting much airplay these days?

rizla mission

14:01 / 23.03.03

It could just be me that thinks this but isn't Hammertime a little bit on the dated side to be used in new millenia propoganda.

It's soaring into the space-age compared to their ideology..

grant

20:20 / 26.03.03

email from friend:

> One ominous note that nobody seems to be
> mentioning re the current
> fighting... the unit leading the charge in Iraq
> is part of the Seventh
> Mechanized Cavalry Division...known, according
> to a Vietnam veteran of the
> 7th who works[for the same organization as my friend], as
> "Custer's Own."
>
> Yup. *That* Custer. *That* Seventh Cavalry.
>
> (Although this isn't technically correct...
> because a) the Army reorganized
> its nomenclature and overall structure in the
> 20th century to go from
> "regiments" to divisions and b) Custer's unit
> was annihilated. Still, these
> guys have a traditional connection, and they
> celebrate the tie to
> Yellow-hair and his men...)
>
> -

gingerbop

22:20 / 26.03.03

DOO DOO DOO DOOOOO, DOO DOO DOO DOOO (cant touch this)
AAAhhh,.... war is shit, but MC hammer is god.

grant

13:40 / 01.04.03

"What if Saddam fails to comply and we fail to act, or we take some
ambiguous third route which gives him yet more opportunities to develop
this program of weapons of mass destruction? . . . Well, he will
conclude that the international community has lost its will. He will
then conclude that he can go right on and do more to rebuild an arsenal
of devastating destruction. And someday, some way, I guarantee you he'll use the arsenal."
President Bill Clinton, quoted in the Wall Street Journal, 1998

----------------

"Our armies do not come into your cities and lands as conquerors or enemies, but as liberators. Your wealth has been stripped of you by unjust men ... The people of Baghdad shall flourish under institutions which are in consonance with their sacred laws."
General F. S. Maude, commander of British forces in Iraq, 1917

Kit-Cat Club

17:07 / 01.04.03

Holy cruntly fuck...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

17:17 / 01.04.03

Where the fuck did you get that, Cat? Scared now...

sleazenation

20:09 / 01.04.03

Its from those very scary fundamentalist folks at www.collectablestoday.com. The truly scary part is that this would fit well in the onion if it wasn't real. I fear America has moved beyond the reach of satire. Maybe we will be able to buy evil terrorist babies on sticks next.

bio k9

20:22 / 01.04.03

Yeah, everyone over here has one of those baby soldier for Jesus statues. They come with the keys to the house.

Baz Auckland

00:11 / 02.04.03

I love The Onion.

I Should Not Be Allowed to Say the Following Things About America

It goes well with the Simpsons last Sunday: "The government has issued an Orange Alert, which of course, means absolutely nothing."

Cherry Bomb

07:15 / 02.04.03

You've really scared me Kat. Where in hell did you come across this???

By the way, this looks like the sort of thing offered for sale in Sunday magazines around the U.S.A.; things like September 11 collectible coins, "A Tribute to Heroes" comemorative plate with pictures of firemen on it, etc. etc.

I've studied the ads in "Parade" and "USA Weekend." Have you??

Kit-Cat Club

07:33 / 02.04.03

I found it at Booknotes, I think... I can't remember now. But I thought it was so ghastly I couldn't resist. No doubt the Franklin Mint will be bringing out a set of four commemorative plates, painted by an outstanding contemporary artist and enhanced with real 22-carat gold, depicting touching scenes from the liberation of Umm Qasr, Basra, Nassirya and (possibly) Baghdad. This heirloom could be yours for a mere £99.99, or pay in twelve easy-to-pay monthly installments of £25!

Baz Auckland

16:44 / 04.04.03

Hee hee.

Morlock - groupie for hire

12:09 / 07.04.03

More appalling merchandising:

t-shirts

and just to prove that this war runs on morality, not economic interests:

coins!

Ordering mine as we speak...

Baz Auckland

16:18 / 05.05.03

Yesterday's Doonesbury was classic, I must say. A Defence of the French by a Patriotic Franco-American...

Read here

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