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Sexual destinations

13:52 / 18.03.03

Certainlyn our bedroom habits...were always peaceful and unbothered by considerations of better or more...we expected neither sex nor marriage to get anywhere: we were happy for them to jog on as they were ---John Bayley-- ‘Iris’

Contrary to this in the last two relationships I’ve had I’ve had the feeling that the sex was going on some sort of journey. Both these relationships ended before it seemed to me like the sex had reached it’s destination, if you see what I mean! Like the journey had barely begun.
When in a relationship with someone in the beginning stages do you feel like you are on some sort of sexual journey, that the sex is going somewhere, that it’s sort of elaborating itself?
Is there some point where you feel like you’ve arrived? (though not in the sense of sex just becoming boring)
I guess this could be related to knowing someone. Maybe when we first meet someone we have a desperate need to know more and more about a person but then we start feeling more relaxed and contented, that we know them enough. Is getting somewhere in sex part of this?
But I’ve been thinking about what the philosopher Levinas said about ‘the Other’. That thought we desperately wish to get to know ‘the Other’ they will always remain unknown to us, that sufficiently knowing someone is impossible, thus if this is true maybe we would never reach our sexual destination? or does it all just dissolve into boredom?
Have you ever felt like you reached your sexual destination?

The Natural Way

14:09 / 18.03.03

Yes. Sexbridge-on-the-Wode.

14:26 / 18.03.03

oh dear, I had a terrible feeling this thread would only result in schoolboy humour.

14:42 / 18.03.03

I think I know what you're talking about. In all of my past relationships, it always seemed that the sexual aspects of the relationship were on a path of ever-increasing boredom, shame, and mutual self-loathing, all leading up the eventual destination of us both feeling entirely repulsed by one another. It's very depressing, honestly. Sometimes I feel I'd be better off celibate.

The Natural Way

14:56 / 18.03.03

Oh dear.

I think I prefer schoolboy humour.

Regrettable Juvenilia

15:00 / 18.03.03

Well, I'll aim for someting else. I know what you mean about the 'Othering' tendency here - I tend to find that my, er, proclivities follow an almost cyclical pattern - so that if I've most recently been involved in a BDSM context, I'll get a hankering for vanilla, and vice versa. Other people have mentioned something similar. Is that the kind of thing you're after? Sorry, wish I had time to write more...

SecretlyClarkKent

03:06 / 19.03.03

I would definitely have to say that, in my current relationship, I feel like I'm on something of a "sexual journey". I also think that it depends on prior relationships, as well.

My first sexual relationship was short-lived, kind of ignorantly brutal, and the level of expectation on my partner's part was entirely too high. I feel like we fell in a ditch from the very first night and never managed to get out of it.

My second/current sexual relationship is much different. We've been together for 7.5 months, now, and the sex has been evolving. Not in the kind of cliche'd "1st base, 2nd base, etc..." way. When we started, we were both fairly guarded. We'd had a year and a half of friendship prior to our relationship and our relationship itself got off to a pretty rough start. Mistakes were made, feelings were hurt, and such. [For the record, mostly my fault.]

Now, though, most, if not all of the guards are down, mentally and physically. I don't feel that we've "arrived" at a destination, though, and I don't think said destination is going to happen any time soon. I do, however, feel that we're on a really steady road where the passion has done nothing but increase.

Then again, this is only my second sexual relationship, and my third meaningful relationship overall. Maybe boredom's on the horizon, but I don't think so.

-Jared

09:16 / 19.03.03

Sex should be an exploration with no end, not a journey with a destination- you never know where you'll end up. If you get bored you know you've got stuck in Sexbridge-on-the-wode.

13:11 / 19.03.03

I tend to find that my, er, proclivities follow an almost cyclical pattern - so that if I've most recently been involved in a BDSM context, I'll get a hankering for vanilla, and vice versa.

Flyboy - what you were describing seemed more like a desire for things always to be changing, keeping the novelty, which I think is an important part of it, but what seemed essential about the feeling I had of going to some sort of 'place' it wasn't about the type of sex, so much as the mindset, as if it's sort of 'spritual'?! which is what it's felt like in my head, and not that it's going to end in boredom, that's not what it feels like, and not as Quantum said a never ending discovery, I really feel like I am going somewhere, Transpotr summed it up best, it's not like 1st base 2nd base, it seems like it's to do with knowing someone, perhaps you could explain more of what you meant?
basically this thread stems from my feeling of pissed offness like I was going off on this journey, that had to stop, and now I'm wondering where it was going to go, I guess experience would be the only way to find out!

16:13 / 19.03.03

I agree that sex in a relationship is a journey. Well if its with someone you like anyway. I got dumped on Friday and the thing is our sex life only felt like it started getting real a month ago. Then again I have no place of my own and that seems to be most of the reason a) it's over and b)we didn't get enough space to ourselves. She shared a room with one of her friends whose sex life was obviously more important than ours. I'm pissed off at the moment because she's the first girl I've been with for about 3 years that I actually cared about. This must be the part of the journey where the car flies off the cliff.

I think she thought that I treated her too well or cared too much or something. I hope I don't 'learn' this lesson and be a two timing selfish bastard with the next girl I'm with.
Fucking hell this shit still hurts as much when you get older.
Well thats my self-pitying drivel over with.
I am definitely not suppressing my feelings this time cause that doesn't help you hitch yer next lift.