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Privacy

10:39 / 12.03.03

The other day while I was out my housemate used my computer to print out some off her stuff. When I got back I found out that she'd been reading some of my files. When I confronted her about it she said she wouldn't have read them if she'd known I'd been upset, that she was just 'being nosy' and had assumed that if they were private I've had hidden them away or put passwords on them, despite the fact that one of the files she opened was called 'diary'! I don't hide my because up until now I've always trusted the people around me. Personally I think it's an invasion of privacy to read someone elses stuff regardless of whether you think it's top secret or not, and I've been in situations where I've had the opportunity to read people's private stuff and I haven't. I just think it's a really bad thing to do.
I'm interested to know if people on Barbelith consider what she did was wrong, have you ever read people's diaries or private stuff? would you do it if you thought you'd never get found out?

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

10:59 / 12.03.03

I would think it would be wrong. The only time I've ever read anyone else's diary was when the guy in question (and this was many years ago) had threatened one of the other flatmates, had told me to fuck off every time I asked him what the fuck he thought he was playing at, and in the last eventuality had kicked fuck out of another flatmates' stereo and claimed he'd "dropped it by accident" despite the big, rectangular hole in the front of the tape deck matching his goth-boots exactly. I still keep that diary as a trophy. It's fucking funny, too- his opinions on me, all the time I thought he was a friend? Apparently I'm well-meaning but weak-willed, and could get sucked into the evil of my associates. (All of whom are/were very nice people. Not the sort who threaten people with broken legs.)

But, had the BIG falling-out never occurred, there's NO FUCKING WAY I'd read anyone's diary/files/whatever.

You've got me worried now... I let anyone use my PC, and just trust them not to see shit I don't want them to...

Is that a realy bad idea?

(I have to add- they leave stuff of theirs on there, and I never read it.)

11:10 / 12.03.03

no don't get paranoid! the more I get to know my flatmate the more I find her a dislikable person in general and this just proves it to me. I think (and hope) that most people wouldn't do what she did.

11:22 / 12.03.03

I share a pc with my housemate. It has various writing stored on it by both of us. I have notebooks and papers occasionally lying around. She has various odds and ends (usually slash-related) similarly strewn over the place. On top of this there is the usual glut of bank statements, bills and blah that accumulate in any shared house.

I would, and hope any reasonable individual would, consider it a gross invasion of privacy to go through the other individual's material without their express and specific permission.

Luckily I have a housemate I trust (and assume vice versa). Unfortunately I've lived with other people before who didn't respect this and, unfortunately, it was necessary to take steps to protect my privacy. My only advice is to make expressly clear how violated and angry you feel, threaten to behead them if they do it again and try to hide and restrict access to anything personal from now on in. Don't live with them if you get the opportunity again.

11:27 / 12.03.03

Its pretty out of order, icicle. I wouldn't do it unless I had a really good reason, or I was feeling particularly nosey. But then I'd at least feel bad about it. If you are going to look at someone's diary, you should at least have the decency to do it sneakily behind their back and lie about it afterwards.

11:46 / 12.03.03

I wouldn't do it unless I had a really good reason, or I was feeling particularly nosey

Dude, don't you feel that's a bit harsh? I mean Stoatie's story involved reasonable motivation (a search for specific information) and provocation (aggressive and/or violent behaviour) and is still a bit morally dodgy (yet, oddly, satisfying). Reading someone's personal stuff on a whim is unacceptable. I went out with a girl for a long period who wrote reams of material (both autobiographical and fiction) and sometimes I was tempted to read her stuff. Sometimes I burnt with the temptation - to want to know her, to know her thoughts, to know everything about her. In the last days of the relationship the temptation was worse, and for worse reasons. But I would never do it because I know exactly how angry I would feel if someone went through my writing without my permission. I'd want to fucking kill them. I'd almost certainly never trust them again. This isn't the sort of thing to do on a whim, man.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

11:53 / 12.03.03

Only did it once, it was a couple of years ago, it was my sister and I only dipped briefly. Otherwise I've never crossed the line. I may browse someones CDs/books/videos, but I'm not interested in personal stuff unless they're willing to share it with me.

11:56 / 12.03.03

Harsh? Actually, I was kinda kidding. I think it is a bad thing to do on the whole. Its justifiable in some situations - like stoatie's. But I couldn't say that if a diary somehow fell in my lap I wouldn't be tempted. I'd probably say no and it would definitely be wrong. Never having kept a diary myself, perhaps I lack a certain empathy for this situation?

Strangely, I used to be with a woman who got pissed off that I didn't read her diary. She took it as disinterest that I didn't find it and take a peek.

12:08 / 12.03.03

and had assumed that if they were private I've had hidden them away or put passwords on them

That's one of the more moronic justifications for invading a person's privacy that I've heard. The computer was your own, not communal, which you let her use on the understanding she was printing. Of course reading your files was an invasion of privacy.

I tend to be a little paranoid on my own PC, despite the fact that only I and my partner use it, with everything being locked up tighter than things which are extremely tightly locked.

12:18 / 12.03.03

Harsh? Actually, I was kinda kidding.

Totally - I think that was implicit in your tone. Additionally I hope I don't appear to be laying in too hard, I was just trying to note the strength of some people's emotions with regard to this. I think it definitely relates to the seriousness with which some people approach their own writing and the paranoias and insecurities that are tied up with this. I've talked about it with a number of friends who feel the same, it's a gut reaction (certainly the girl in my previous example this way).

Strangely, I used to be with a woman who got pissed off that I didn't read her diary. She took it as disinterest that I didn't find it and take a peek.

Now that. Is odd. Am inclined to take the piss but realise that's just my own ignorance at work, my inability to empathise. Why? What? How? What? Agh. Probably best not to ask...

12:24 / 12.03.03

I couldn't live with the guilt of looking at someone else's private papers. Even if I just catch a glimpse of something I can't live with myself until I've confessed. But, that aside, I do think it's morally objectionable. I guess I might do it if I thought there was something seriously bad going on - a self-protective thing.

However, I admit I was tempted when I was getting some files of the computer I shared with my ex and I saw there were some poems he'd written for his new g/f.

12:29 / 12.03.03

That's not something you should dismiss lightly, it shows that she is of weak character and is slightly devious. I wouldn't like to live with her.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

12:34 / 12.03.03

Stoatie's story involved reasonable motivation (a search for specific information) and provocation (aggressive and/or violent behaviour) and is still a bit morally dodgy (yet, oddly, satisfying)
I should point out, no diary-reading was done until after he'd left (and taken a fair bit of our stuff with him- leaving his diary while taking a bunch of my videos must have seemed a fair swap to him at the time... All I did was apply the same logic.)

12:44 / 12.03.03

In that case it was almost as if he invited you to do it. Consider yourself absolved. Case dismissed.

13:01 / 12.03.03

Now that. Is odd. Am inclined to take the piss but realise that's just my own ignorance at work, my inability to empathise. Why? What? How? What? Agh. Probably best not to ask

Long drawn out end of relationship stuff where I think she wanted to communicate dissatisfaction without screaming at me, but didn't know how. Also, she was the sort of person who always looked through everyone's private stuff. Not good at all.

09:54 / 13.03.03

thanks for all your thoughts, I was beginning to be swayed by my housemates bullshit excuses but I should trust my instincts that it was wrong. What seems common to most cases of reading somebody elses stuff is that other methods of communication have failed and the person does it out of a need to understand. children are probably more likely to nick their brother's or sister's diary because they haven't learnt to communicate as well as adults, or are as morally aware. This doesn't justify it, after all war is a failure of communication!
I knew my housemate for three years before I moved in, though it had never gone beyond aquaintance level, I thought it might when I moved in but we just don't click and there's a part of me that feels guilty for this, if I don't think someone is completely wonderful I tend to shut myself off and not really make the effort, part of me wonders if this was why she read my stuff? In a way I feel that I'm sort of to blame, that my inability to communicate with her has caused this.