Have you recently done a bit more self-analysis, introspective digging around? Or do you feel that this sort of behavior might be useful (or especially scary??)?
I would say in many ways I've been doing certain types of analysis and always do, but I've noticed a tendency for these analyses to be very goal-oriented and therefore foggy as of late. This is of course because lately some of my deeper ego-traps and fears have kind of been rising up--those about good romantic relationships and lack-thereof, general low self-esteem, etc. Stuff I definitely dealt with a lot until the past few years when meditation, magick, and all that really got me out of that hole quite a bit. This little "relapse" is not unusual and is not nearly as strong as it was back in my very depressed days, but tends to bring out my old ways of dealing with it--analysis and struggle and trying to find the right thing to do differently in order to change my situation--rather than changing my mind.
In all the tarot readings I've been doing since this year began I've been getting tons of cups, swords, and the Tower shows up quite regularly. Last time I did a spread, using the Crowley deck/spread I got The Tower, Art, and Lust in the upper left...
The days following said White Ball incident I travelled quite a bit, got a little depressed and worn out and have since been in a bit of a rut, though getting through it.
Why might your mind be pointing out language and its use in analysis, self analysis?
Just to give a potential answer--if the ball of light represents mind as you suggested (I definitely tend to associate it with mind, especially the purified potential of mind) and I was viewing it hovering outside of me as though it was separate from me, perhaps this is pointing to a general issue of me doing a bit too much division/analysis and not enough feeling-at-home-where-I-am, so to speak.
Of course, when I first said "Emanates where language perceives itself" I felt a distinct feeling that I meant perception in a conscious sense... as though language itself were becoming sentient and alive. Whether this is a DMT-McKenna reference or one pointing to an issue of creating a sort of force (good or bad) out of analytical thought, who knows.
Oh, and as for the hypnagogic thing, yeah, I was definitely sleepy enough for it to come out of that, but unlike a lot of other hypnagogic imagery my eyes were open and it was floating in the room. So either A) my hypnagogic imagery reproduced the entire room in my mind (this wouldn't be the first time) B) this is a bit more powerful hypnagogic imagery that just snuck itself into my normal vision due to my exhaustion C) There was actually a white ball in the room that only I could see. (Hmm, these aren't mutually exclusive options, are they? hehe) |
