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Corn Oil Tycoon

 
 
Cosmicjamas
22:22 / 27.02.03
Well, thanks to my partner spotting a bargain in the local African shop, we now have a 15 litre drum of corn oil sitting in the kitchen...hell, it's nearly as big as the kitchen! And he carried it home over 1.5 miles! Apparently the price - £10 for 15 litres - knocks spots off what I usually pay i.e. £1 per litre. Yes, but, a litre at a time is all I need for cooking...

So, I would like to try and award a virtual prize for the most inventive use for this drum of oil. And, to our American friends, the first time I read the word Crisco was in some pretty good gay fiction!
 
 
A
06:41 / 28.02.03
My God, just think of all the things you could deep fry. You could do an entire side of beef, or a large pumpkin, or something. The mind boggles.
 
 
Linus Dunce
13:25 / 01.03.03
You could oil all your doorknobs to stop burglars getting in. Or give yourself that 1950s look by getting a DA with a huge quiff and combing it liberally into your hair. Or, if you live on a hill, you could dump a load onto the pavement and make a wonderful slide for the local kids.
With a little sophistication of the corny goodness, you could run your car on it. Much cleaner and perfectly legal, as long as you agree to pay the relevant fuel tax direct to the govt. If you have a car. With a diesel engine.
 
 
Seth
13:54 / 01.03.03
Storing child parts.
 
 
8===>Q: alyn
19:15 / 01.03.03
Masturbate, masturbate, masturbate!
 
 
Brigade du jour
20:58 / 01.03.03
It's a drum, dude, play it!
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:07 / 02.03.03
Keep it bubblin'. If the pigs or anyone else otherwise undesirable turns up, pour it out of the window on 'em. Also, have a battalion of archers near your other windows. They always come in handy.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
11:27 / 02.03.03
Corn Oil is a near flawless weapon for use against pirates. Splash liberally across the fore and aft decks in the morning, when all self-respecting pirates either have a hang over or pretend to have one to fit in with the crowd.

When they rise, they will not notice the copious quantities of slippery organic matter as their heads will invariably be tilted backwards for optimum quaffing action. One slip with the old peg leg on the low friction flooring will result in deep gravity interface difficulties and it's shatterd hips ahoy.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:32 / 02.03.03
Arr. But real pirates stay up drinking through the night... hence the song "What shall we do with the drunken sailor (earlY in the morning)?"... a definite sign that being unconscious in the wee hours is BAD FORM.

Anyway, my parrot can do a bloody good egg fried rice (as long as it's not parrot's eggs. She's a bit funny about that). And she's part magpie. So any shiny oil left on deck would be collected and used to make yummy food.
 
 
that
11:35 / 02.03.03
A variation of 'storing child parts' - pickle babies in it and sell it locally as a panacea. That's what the bloke in 'The Devil's Backbone' does. Only that was rum.
 
 
that
11:36 / 02.03.03
Actually, Ebay would be a better bet.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
12:05 / 02.03.03
Pour a pint of the oil in every bath you take and you will be so lovely and moisturised that you will glisten. Advertisers will beat a path to your door to photograph your lovely integument and you'll become a world famous expert on and avatar of skin care. Your theme tune will be Lloyd Cole's Perfect Skin, the percussion line of which you will beat out on your steel drum, as suggested by Brigadier Hardy. You will be so rich and famous you can spit on your friends and buy new ones, in a Michael Jackson kind of way.
 
 
JohnnyYen
13:52 / 02.03.03
If you've got a deisel car, you can use corn or vegetable oil as fuel. Straight up no bullshit. They arrested a bunch of fellas in Wales recently for tax evasion, they got caught when Asda realised one branch was selling more economy vegetable oil than the rest of the country put together and started an investigation.
 
 
Cosmicjamas
20:20 / 02.03.03
This is excellent. Keep the ideas coming. I shall be awarding the prize at 3.03pm ('cos I've been frying all day and won't be awake at 3 this morning) on 03/03/03, because that's kind of a symbolic date.

Presently, we are using the oil drum as a mini roundabout in the middle of the kitchen and DP is soliciting his friends and relatives to "bring an empty bottle" and is hoping to make back half the cost of the initial outlay.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
20:33 / 02.03.03
Uhh-- Hello? Bathtub full of free fat? Have any of you dudes even watched Fight Club?

Make soap, innit?
 
 
A
00:13 / 03.03.03
Rub it all over your body and walk down the street clad in nowt but a posing pouch and fake tan, flexing your biceps and winking at passers-by. Kick sand in the face of skinny weaklings at any opportunity. Receive your commeupance when skinny weakling becomes Hero of The Beach.
 
 
Kit-Cat Club
00:21 / 03.03.03
Is corn oil clear? You could make a Thing in a Jar if it is...
 
 
Perfect Tommy
03:54 / 03.03.03
Secure some aviator's shades. Call up Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer and have a sand volleyball game. And you can be my wingman anytime.
 
 
Cosmicjamas
12:27 / 03.03.03
Well, its judgement day and I have to declare a draw. Below are shown the four prizes, you may argue amongst yourselves as to which one you choose, what to use it for and with whom.



The prizwinners are:

Stoatie – I like your ideas for getting medieval! Sorry Potus felt it could be used as a weapon against pirates. Your parrot can cook me egg fried rice any time ze likes, as long as I can play the drum (and perhaps take up the Colonel’s recommendation lol) while I wait.

KitKat Club – I want a Thing in a Jar! That ties in with reflect and Cholister’s body part ideas too! Anyone who fancied drinking the juice in the jar would be quite welcome, after all there’s plenty to top it up with.

Xoc – You silver tongued charmer…I do fancy the idea of being a “world famous expert on and avatar of skin care”, the idea made me come over all warm and squirmy!

IgnatiusJ – I do live on a hill, the slide idea sounds fantastic. – not just for the local kids but for the elderly too (and any pirates on their early morning way home!) And running a car too…but don’t you have to add something to the oil to make it attractive to diesel engines? A sniff of ether or something? Johnny Yen, do you know more about it? Are you Welsh? Do you shop at Asda?

Thanks all. Unfortunately I cannot take up Count Adam and Perfect Tommy’s ideas for muscle beach posing ‘cos I’m kind of the wrong shape for that. I think I’d need a bikini top as well as a posing pouch you see…
 
 
Mourne Kransky
14:43 / 03.03.03
Gee, I'm overwhelmed... I had nothing prepared. I'd just like to thank my wonderfully supportive family, my agent, both of my lawyers, and Cosmicjamas for her inspiration. I'll have the one on the extreme left, please. That dildo appears to have a handle, for ease of use.

*cheeks dampen like Catherine Z-J's*
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
07:28 / 04.03.03
Sorry to trump ya, Xoc, but I'm welling up like Paltrow. And I'd like to thank, among millions, God Almighty and the international pirate community. And, of course, my parrot, without whom (blubs uncontrollably).
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
07:30 / 04.03.03
Oh, and far right for me. Amusingly nob-shaped vegetables always get a laugh. I know. I used to watch "That's Life".
 
 
A
09:22 / 04.03.03
I misread that the first time as This Life, and I was about to reply, "ummm, that wasn't a nob-shaped vegetable, that was a nob."
 
  
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