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Underground > Film, TV & Theatre >

Coronation Street's "Richard" storyline

  
 
Peach Pie
07:38 / 26.02.03
I saw the great showdown for this on Monday. Hillman's wife finally put the pieces together and they were embroiled in an argument for the next half hour. I was expecting it to be cliched but I actually found it really moving and well-acted. It was very sad.
 
 
Quireboy
11:38 / 26.02.03
Well acted?!! It was so wooden you could have turned it into an MFI flatpack.
 
 
Smoothly
11:59 / 26.02.03
I'm singing with the Quire on this one. I haven't watched the Street in years, but tuned in for this one. Switched off with an attack of the Cringes after the 'You're Norman Bates with a briefcase' line.
 
 
Peach Pie
15:51 / 26.02.03
as it happens, helen worth was interviewed the next day saying how proud she was of that and the "i'll put the kettle on" line. I cringed for the first half but... well... the bit at the very end was better than i expected it to be.
 
 
Peach Pie
18:22 / 26.02.03
Gail: Richard... did you try to kill me mam?
Richard: What, me?...No.
Gail: You did!
Richard: I never.
Gail: I saw you at her house with petrol and matches!!
Richard:I was just doing some DIY! My hand must have slipped...
Gail: How could I not realise?
Richard: I don't know love. I'll put the kettle on.
 
 
arcboi
20:22 / 26.02.03
I do think that Corrie is the best soap on TV at the moment and they've done a great job with the 'Tricky Dicky' storyline. If you want wooden acting then check out Eastenders!

Also, it means that Orville has found new and useful employment playing Ashley
 
 
Regrettable Juvenilia
07:46 / 27.02.03
Don't say a bad word about 'Enders. Vikki Fowler is my secret love.
 
 
Peach Pie
11:01 / 01.03.03
Audrey: Richard is a MURDERER.
Martin: Oh shut up Audrey, you fruitcake.
Audrey: No he issss! Look at all the cops!
Martin: No. *shakes head*. He's ... a killer? With MY KIDS??!!
Audrey: Yes!
Martin: Would you believe it. Nowt so queer as folk. I'll put the kettle on.



Next week on Coronation Street:

*MORE TRAGEDY FOR GAIL AS THE KETTLE BREAKS*
 
 
Turk
03:44 / 02.03.03
It must have been the kindest soap episode ever. I don't actually watch Coronation Street but on Monday the characters very neatly recapped the last two years of their lives and allowed me to enjoy the high drama without having invested anything at all.
Brilliant.
 
 
Milky Joe
14:54 / 02.03.03
While Coronation street isn't exactly my idea of great television I did watch the episode in question. I thought they handled it as well as could be expected. Lets face it this isn't Charles Dickens it is primetime soap that is pre-watershed. I didn't find it wooden at all. It achieved what it aimed for and after all the hype I thought it would been an anti-climax but I enjoyed it.
 
 
_pin
16:59 / 02.03.03
Vikki Fowler... she's the new one brought in to be Kelly Osbourne, isn't she?

Wow, Fly... Well I couldn't see that coming...
 
 
Peach Pie
12:40 / 07.03.03
I disliked the very self-conscious lines ("survival of the fittest!!" is the last thing someone would say if they were trying to pass attempted murder off as a mercy killing). But I found the part where he was talking about his ex-wife turning her back on him powerful. Richard seemed like a sympathetic character, which was quite an achievement for the writers given the circumstances.
 
 
Peach Pie
21:56 / 10.03.03
Comment re: the killer's return:


erm.... what?
 
 
Peach Pie
15:55 / 11.03.03
MONDAY, PART 1:

*Scene 1: The Shop*

Norris: So what are we doing today, then?
Rita: Today, Norris, we are going to have a nice bit of down to earth dialogue, in an attempt to convince people that a serial killer running loose in the shadows isn't the only interesting thing which goes on in this street. Which, of course, it is.
Norris: I see.

*Scene 2: The Factory*

Girl 1: It's boring working here, isn't it?
Girl 2: Aye. Let's take a five. Nineties Baddie Mike Baldwin hasn't shown up for weeks, so he's hardly likely to show up now and tell us off.
Nineties Baddie Mike Baldwin (for it is he): Oy! What do you think you're doing??
Girl 1: Well, Mr Baldwin, we thought you wouldn't mind if we just took a little break and-
Nineties baddie: Mind? Of course I mind! What do you think I'm paying you for?
Girl 2: Why have you come back?
Nineties baddie: I've come back, Girl 2, to demonstrate to viewers that there will still be a bad guy in the street after that psycho leaves, and that the programme will be just as interesting after he's gone. Which it won't.

*Scene 3: Chez Hillman*

(sarah and gail are cuddled up and the sofa)
Sarah: I'm glad things are getting back to normal, mum.
Gail: Yeah, me too. How's about some naive dialogue about how everything's going to be alright from now on. We managed for ages without a man, didn't we?
Sarah: Before-
Gail: You can say it, you know. "Before Richard".
Sarah: I think we managed better.
Gail: He was a bit crap, wasn't he? (laughs)

(The camera switches to a view of No. 5 from the exterior, and then does a 360 to reveal Richard lurking unkempt and unshaven behind a corner. This not really so surprising; it's the one he always hides behind)

*ROLL CREDITS*

Public Announcer: Whew, wasn't that frightening. Viewers might want to grab a drink to make sure we get a big strike on the national grid and show up the Eastenders production team. They have been blathering on and on about the 'who shot phil mitchell' storyline being the most popular soap plot ever, and this is our best chance of beating them once and for all, the bastards.
 
 
Peach Pie
19:42 / 12.03.03
ok, that last episode was just *creepy*.

you are welcome to comment on it, to make me seem like less of a coronation street troll. four posts in a row? that's just obsessive. ah well... brian capron's out of it now.
 
 
arcboi
20:15 / 12.03.03
I was impressed with the way Richard's people carrier can suddenly TURN INTO A SUBMARINE. He's clearly taking Gail and the kids to his secret base underneath the Manchester canal. Writers of 24 please take note.

Incidently, secret goldfish, please keep the selected scenes from Corrie coming as I think they're hilarious.
 
 
Peach Pie
12:53 / 13.03.03
MONDAY PART 2

*Scene 1: The Rovers Return*
(Gail and Audrey enter)

Emily: Oh, good to see you Gail.
Fred: I say, it's wonderful to see you back here. Place wont same without you. You'll be right as rain afore you know it.
Rita: Oh yes.
Gail: Thankyou *all* so much. There's nothing like this for putting things into perspective. After all the upheaval I've had, even a confrontation with an insensitive neighbour of many years would come as light relief!
Vera: (coming up to Gail) Eee, you've a nerve showing your face round here, yer thieving floozy!
Rita: Oh Vera do be quiet. Take no notice of her Gail. From now on eveything is going to be *just* fine...

*Scene 2: Meanwhile, chez Hillman...*

(Sarah enters with Todd and Baby Bethany)

Todd: Want me to stay round?
Sarah: No.(Sets Bethany down on the ground. Bethany runs to the back of the house.) I'll be fine.
Todd: You sure? If the serial killer's broken in, it might make your being taken hostage seem less of a foregone conclusion.
Sarah: (thinks about this) Erm... no.
Todd: Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. You'll be *just* fine.
Sarah: Seeya!

(Sarah sighs and settles down on the sofa, picks up the remote and switches on the telly, oblivious to the demonic figure standing behind her, who has picked up her baby while her back was turned, and now cradles Bethany in his arms. Sarah switches to the Simpsons, and starts to giggle quietly. The figure behind her starts to get a bit annoyed, but is determined to remain silent until she sees him, for maximum effect. Twenty minutes, later, however, he has gotten thoroughly fed up, and politely clears his throat.)

Sarah: RICHARD! What are *you* doing here?
Richard: It's my home. I *live* here.
Sarah: Please Richard! Please don't hurt her!
Richard: Why would I want to hurt her? I *love* her.
Sarah: Please give her back.
Richard: Can't do that. You see, I'm stark raving mad, and doing anything normal now would bring to a premature end a plot which still has four days' worth of milk left in it.
Sarah: *Oh!*
Richard: Make sense now?
Sarah: Yeah. Night Richard.
Richard: Night love.

*Scene 3: The Factory*

Girl 1: What we doing today then? More o' same?
Girl 2: Yep... Flipping timeservers, us. Just filling in spare minutes with redundant dialogue, while the viewers wait for the characters they *really* want to see.
Girl 1: All we need now is some bullying remark from Nineties Baddie Mike Baldwin to really make us day...
Nineties Baddie Mike Baldwin: (putting head round door, for it is he)Oy! Stop whinging about your lot in life and get back to work!
Girl 2: But Mr Baldwin, we *never* get good storylines. We're only being included *now* to heighten the dramatic tension over the return of Richard Hillman!
Nineties Baddie: Richard Hillman? Listen. I had to wait years and years to become the top baddie on this soap. There's something called a pecking order, you know. And that Hillman fella has done himself no favours by jumping the queue. Does anyone seriously think that he is as scary as *I* was?

(There is a brief, reflective pause, before the girls, unable to keep straight faces, burst into hysterics.)

Nineties Baddie: Look. Don't laugh... don't you dare laugh at me...
Girls: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nineties Baddie: Stop it.
Girls: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nineties Baddie: I'm leaving and coming back in five minutes. and if you haven't stopped laughing at me by then you'll be sacked. (slams out)
Girls: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Girl 1: Eee...(wiping tears from eyes) Give over.
Girl 2: I can't. I'm going to wet myself...
Girl 1: (sighs) So... what were we talking about before?
Girl 2: ... Hardly matters, does it?

*Scene 4: Chez Hillman*

(Gail enters No. 5 alone, and wonders why the house is so quiet)

Gail: ...Sarah? David? (coming round corner)...RICHARD!
Richard: Hallo Gail. Long time no see.
Gail: What... what have you come back for?
Richard: To *see* you. I missed you. You're my wife.
Gail: Oh no. Not any more!
Richard: Oh *yes*. Till death do us part.
Gail: H-How did you get in? How did you manage to break into the house without the neighbours and a national manhunt noticing you between them??
Richard: Ah. A minor technicality, for which we won't account.
Gail: Look. Just... just leave now... and this didn't happen. I won't mention it.
Richard: Why would I want to leave? This is my home. I want to see the kids.
Gail: Well you can't! They're not here!
Richard: Nice try Gail. David's been back an hour, and the girls just beat you in getting home.
Gail: ...What have you DONE with them?
Richard: I'm afraid that's going to have to remain a mystery. And as explaining any part of my diabolical plan would eat into Wednesday's storyline, it falls to me simply to stand here looking like a cross between an evil chucky doll and a demented parrot for the remainder of the half hour.
(Gail breaks down in sobs; Richard stands there looking like a cross between an evil chucky doll and a demented parrot.)
Richard: Well, that's my work done for today.


*ROLL CREDITS*
 
 
Peach Pie
18:50 / 15.03.03
I'm missing him already.
 
 
Peach Pie
22:25 / 19.03.03
You may now leave your condolences at this address:

www.wheresrichard.co.uk

*wipes tear*
 
 
Peach Pie
22:26 / 19.03.03
erm...

make that http://www.wheresrichard.co.uk
 
  
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