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Cheer Me Up............ Please?

01:18 / 01.02.03

I'm going to use you wonderful personages as a crisis counseling line.
Let me explain my situation, its the second semester of my freshman year, I have no social skills, no sex life, and I really don't feel like getting stupid. I dont feel anything.
I wish I was depressed, I could say i felt something. The only thing I really feel is occasional loneliness. I'm not suicidal, I'm not depressed! Just unwilling to self medicate and too afraid to have a life.
All my acquaintances are either getting drunk or stoned, or both.

And I dont feel anything.

01:23 / 01.02.03

I don't know you, november, but it sounds like a hard place to be in. I always listen to Leonard Cohen in that mood. For the optimism, you understand.

Social skills can be something you learn, and sex isn't far behind - it can even be in front. Don't be afraid, though. Have courage.

01:35 / 01.02.03

Why do you say "medicate"? No tablet's gonna solve your social shyness - and, believe me, you don't wanna be depressed.

I'm not familiar with the US semesters, but I'm guessing you're, what, late teens? I remember feeling like that too - that everyone, everywhere else, was getting pissed, stoned, laid, partying and enjoying life, and leaving me behind - right up until around second year at University. And the sex life? Gawd, that took much longer to sort itself out.

It might feel like there's a great urgency to 'catch up' but, really, there isn't; you've got plenty of time to develop into the dazzling social and sexual success you know you truly are. Lurid's right in saying the social stuff is what you need to work on first. Can you be specific about the particular situations in which you feel socially unskilled? What do you do? What happens? What would you like to happen instead?

Make sure you've got interesting stuff to talk about. Start buying a newspaper, keep abreast of what's going on in the world, form opinions.

And listen to The Smiths - especially 'How Soon Is Now'. Morrissey understands...

01:39 / 01.02.03

Feeling nothing, being numb - can also be a symptom of depression. It's sneaky that way...

Meanwhile, if I had a picture of a kitten I'd put it up for you. But my "baby picture" of my cats is taped up at work right now... Maybe a description will help?

I'm sort of in the picture, trying to arrange 5 small kittens (about 4 or 5 weeks old, nowhere near weaned yet) on the arm of a sofa. I'm not really succeeding; one of the black ones is batting at one of the grey ones, and another of the black ones is escaping down the arm of the sofa towards the seat where mom-cat is oblivious, in meatloaf pose. The grey kitten that isn't being batted is wearing a cotton collar in blues and purples to mark it as belonging to the keeper of papa-cat, and the other black one (not on the attack, not trying to escape) is posing regally for the camera, showing off a beautiful white streak where his ruff will grow in.

01:42 / 01.02.03

Just for you - kitten.

http://dexlives.keenspace.com/d/20010617.html

01:53 / 01.02.03

freshman year is hard. it always feels like the fun is happening somewhere whereever you're not. You are wise to avoid self-medicating. (that's a pat on the back) But Iszabelle's right--emptiness is often a big part of depression. But maybe we need to make room, quietly, for depression and emptiness--the US is so busy and smily and full on the surface; systemically, we need people who sit quiet and watch bergmann films.

read Middlemarch. Ok, yes, it's like 800 pages long. But George Eliot is brilliant. Although she's no picture of a kitten.

01:58 / 01.02.03

Thank You All

Like the kitten cartoon, and the description.
Its not really that I lack social skills more that i refuse to put myself in situations where I would use them. I have good friends but generally it takes years to get close enough. I'm a loner, I have perverse views on the nature of creativity and loneliness, I empathize with Cobain and Van Gogh. And I talk to myself way too much.

02:03 / 01.02.03

I know that self medicating is a bad idea, and I refuse to take the easy way out. And the incredible emptiness and pointlessness of these peoples lives is just unbelievable. I just don't know anyone I really respect.

02:21 / 01.02.03

From your subsequent postings, November, it doesn't sound to me like you're depressed (your self-esteem, in particular, seems reasonably robust, if rather invested in your perceived loner status) and I honestly don't think medication would be a way out of the situation, "easy" or otherwise. I guess you need to think about what's more important to you: social/sexual intercourse or viewing yourself as an inaccessible loner who finds other human beings empty and pointless.

You may well find that other people, if you're willing to compromise your "perverse views" just a li-i-ittle and take the time to appreciate them on their own terms, readily provide stimulating, meaningful company - and are a lot more fun than talking to yourself.

02:25 / 01.02.03

Did I mention that I'm an egotist?

I know people that I deeply respect and enjoy their company.

Just not here.

02:26 / 01.02.03

So... where's the problem, again?

02:36 / 01.02.03

I'm lonely, talking to people I like helps, (namely you), and all my friends at home are away from there phones.

My problem is that I know my problems, understand my problems, but am too lazy too do anything about them.

This makesme angry at myself, and lonely, and self aware.

Do the words "vicious cycle" have to be cliche and melodramatic?
I have no real problem, thats the problem.

02:53 / 01.02.03

I guess I'm just an asshole.

Going to go listen to my best of Leonard Cohen and Smiths.

And maybe some sad bastard music.

06:27 / 01.02.03

*shrugs*

So maybe you need to get a bit lonelier before you'll feel inclined to change? Maybe once you reach a certain critical mass of loneliness, you'll be forced to relax your "egotism" enough to engage with those around you. In the meantime, try not to mutilate your ears or blow your cerebellum out, hmm?

17:30 / 01.02.03

Not a kitten but still very cute.

17:33 / 01.02.03

Whoops.

That didn't work at all.

http://us.f1.yahoofs.com/users/bc3cb92d/bc/Mail+Attachments/zachinbed.jpg?bc4ECP.AAvWUZlcf