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Harry Potter and the Cavalcade of Innuendo - SPOILERS

 
  

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ONLY NICE THINGS
16:05 / 28.01.03
(This should perhaps be in Books - mild spoilers, and since I am halfway through GoF please be sparing with further spoilage).


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"Yes, I remember it well. Containing a single hair from the tail of a particularly fine unicorn....must have been seventeen hands; nearly gored me with its horn after I plucked his tail. Twelve and a quarter inches...ash...pleasantly springy. It's in fine condition....you treat it regularly?"

"Polished it last night," said Cedric, grinning.

Harry looked down at his own wand. He could see finger marks all over it. He gathered a fistful of robe from his knee and tried to rub it surreptitiously. Several gold sparks shot out of the end of it.



Fuck's *sake*.....
 
 
The Puck
16:09 / 28.01.03
are you making that up? (crosses fingers and prays you say no)
 
 
that
16:15 / 28.01.03
Lordy me.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
16:18 / 28.01.03
Not a word of a lie - page 271 of the Bloomsbury hardback. Shortly followed thereafter by "Harry liked Hermione very much, but she just wasn't the same as Ron".

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I love the fact that Cedric's barely-legal wand has so far got more description than Cho Fucking Chan.
 
 
Ethan Hawke
16:19 / 28.01.03
I don't get it.
 
 
that
16:44 / 28.01.03
Really?
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
19:56 / 28.01.03
What about the first three? JKR is on a mission to turn our kids into Sid James....

And no, she doesn't come up with another with way of describing Cho. She remains
'(extremely) pretty' throughout ... perhaps we're building to a major 'attractive' moment in book VII ... after which Harry dies of astonishment, along with the rest of the characters.

I'm expecting this thread to *grow and grow* along with Harry, Haus.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
20:53 / 28.01.03
Then, hopefully, someone will gush, after several column inches.
 
 
Mono
21:25 / 28.01.03
Checking email and barbelith on my mum's computer just now, *while* I'm reading this 'Harry Potter and the Golden Boner' innuendo, dear old mother says aloud: "Wow, mine vibrates. Dad's doesn't vibrate."

She was talking about her new cell phone, she said...
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
22:39 / 28.01.03
I'm starting to belive that however you feel about her books, J.K.R. herself must be one of the dullest people alive.

(And if you're gearing up to tell me how interesting it is that she's a single mum... get out more.)
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
09:31 / 29.01.03
She's probably extremely pretty and very nice, though.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
09:43 / 29.01.03
I heard she drowns kittens for kicks.

No wait, not 'heard', 'dreamt', that was it. As I stroked my wand.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
10:24 / 29.01.03
Aaaargh! Page 615 and Cho Fucking Chan has not been described once, beyond being "pretty" and presumably "clever", because she's Ravenclaw. For fuck's sake. This is an outrage.

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And do you know what upsets me particularly? If this were just deviant focalisation to demonstrate that Harry is gay as a Portmeirion Potato, then well and good. But it isn't. I suspect it's because Rowling is assuming that, since she has an Oriental-sounding (and yes, before anyone quotes Said, I *do* mean Oriental, not South-East Asian or Chinese, because I am focalising the narrative) name, we can fill in the blanks. Because Orientals (see above) are so homogenous, we can just assume that she's on the pretty end of the bell curve, and leave it at that. Hermione's new look gets about three pages more exposition than the look of somebody Harry is meant to be studying with such intense concentration as if he meant to draw her. Bill Weasley turns up twice and gets lengthy exposition and debate of the length of his hair.

Fuuuuuuck.

Incidentally, i think this might have to move to "Books" soonish, or at least could the Mods slap a spoiler warning in the title?
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:03 / 29.01.03
I think you might be creating just a bit there Haus, tho maybe not... think she just can't do description to save her life, and finds caucasians challenging enough... buuuuuuut, ironically, Cho isn't the most obvious candidate for Token Ethnic-style sidekick status. oh no


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Dumbledore's final speech about Cedric should be more along these lines:

'Some of you in this hall have lost a dear friend tonight. Remember what happened to a boy who dared to found attractive by Harry Potter's Girl and Get In The Way. Remember Cedric Diggory.' At least he didn't get killed off in the first task/ half-hour, eh? and he was a day away from retirement too.

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END.

Tho I still want to know why Snape is above suspicion.... and when Snape and Sirius are going to put... their ... differences...aside and discover 'the thin line between love and hate'.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
11:36 / 29.01.03
SPOILERS



























I think Snape is going to take a long time to learn to love again, after his breakup with Harry's dad (who, incidentally, was brilliantly characterised in his apparition as dad who hadn't spoken to his son for a while and is surprised by phone call - "Hey, son. How you doing? Well, hang in there. I'll get your mother", not to mention why she didn't turn up first....) pushed him into the hot but morally dubious embrace of Lucius Malfoy. Talk about burn. Especially when Malfoy's dad finds out and forces him to break up with him and start seeing Narcissa or else be disinherited...

I'm starting a thread in "Books" on a related topic ASAP...
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
11:38 / 29.01.03
Erm, Lily *does* turn up first, she says something like 'hang on , your father's coming'...

but do carry on...
 
 
Persephone
12:08 / 29.01.03
There are two versions.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
12:17 / 29.01.03
The second version presumably being after this fairly major error has been identified and corrected for the paperback run, then?

Jesus God in Heaven...how lazy are Rowling's editors? That's (if you'll forgive me) a schoolboy error.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
12:25 / 29.01.03
*not* forgiven.

but am pedantically still confused, as I've got a hardback as well.

ahem.
 
 
Goodness Gracious Meme
12:26 / 29.01.03
OIC. ignore me.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:32 / 29.01.03
I'm sorry but I don't understand this desire for more information on Cho Chang, she's clearly a fleeting 15 year old crush with little bearing on future stories, it seems to be presented as such. How much did any of us actually know about our 15 year old objects of desire? I'm hazarding a guess at very little.

Harry Potter is clearly going to marry Ginny Weasley and have a rather too predictable affair with Draco Malfoy throughout the course of his marriage- possibly beginning in the toilets during his wedding reception.
 
 
The Strobe
12:45 / 29.01.03
Hmn. I think the problem is, Anna, whilst we all knew varying degrees of nothing about 15-year-old crushes, we still knew a lot more than Rowling tells us of Harry's thing for Cho Chan. I mean, bar her talent for fieldsport, there's REALLY not a lot of detail as to why the hell she yanks Harry's wand, so to speak.

And yet it's obviously quite a big thing for the young, adolescent Mr Potter. So whilst in the grand scale of the books (and the universe), Harry's fleeting adolescent lust is irrelevant... as a piece of characterisation, if you're going to do it, you may as well do it properly.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:56 / 29.01.03
Oh but she's just a boring Ravenclaw Paleface! I say- is she Chan or Chang? I genuinely can't remember, see how much she bores me, I skim each description of her in order to learn about the characters that interest me... Hermione's teeth included. Rowling probably should have killed Cho off, a much better idea then murdering poor Cedric who was boring but not as boring.

Maybe Harry doesn't know why he's attracted to her, maybe it's hormonal, maybe he sees her once in a blue moon across a crowded room or Quidditch Pitch. Personally I couldn't care less, die boring Cho and make room for someone who doesn't play Quidditch, isn't a geek and does something new!
 
 
Tryphena Absent
12:57 / 29.01.03
Aah, Chan, my level of forgetfulness frightens me.
 
 
The Strobe
15:57 / 29.01.03
die boring Cho and make room for someone who doesn't play Quidditch, isn't a geek and does something new!

Anna, you and I know the chances of that happening are about as high as the chances of Rowling learning how to write.

Cough.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
20:21 / 03.06.03
Meanwhile Who is your secret Hogwarts lover?.

Wrong in so many, many ways...
 
 
Cat Chant
20:28 / 03.06.03
Has anyone mentioned the BRILLIANT bit in GoF where Harry is basically JUST EXPLICITLY PERVING over Snape? I haven't got the book to hand but it's in his first Potions lesson after he sees the Unforgivable Curses and it goes something like:

Harry stared at Snape, imagining him flat on his back, jerking and twitching.

"Flat on his back" and "jerking and twitching" are verbatim, but I think she put some stuff in to make it look like Harry is thinking about watching Snape under Cruciatus, rather than just writhing in...

Sorry. I'm going now.
 
 
Char Aina
20:31 / 03.06.03
god, you lot are worse than mary whitehouse!
 
 
Cat Chant
20:35 / 03.06.03
No, I'm not: this is the quote, verbatim (I copied it out in my Insanely Detailed Notes, designed to allow me to write reams of slash without ever having to get the books out of the library again):

Harry sat there staring at Snape as the lesson began, picturing horrific things happening to him... He'd have Snape flat on his back like that spider, jerking and twitching.

Bless his innocent little heart, he still thinks he fancies Cho (even though when he is fantasizing about her

the picture faded and he found himself staring at Cedric's shadowy, stubborn face.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
20:38 / 03.06.03
And Snape's coming...

meanwhile, I demand a recount:

Your Hogwarts Hunny is Oliver Wood!  You like a leader, one who is willing to work hard to reach his goals.  Bonus: He's hot!  Go you!Your secret lover is Oliver.
Roooowr!
How did you do it?
Who is your secret Hogwarts Lover? brought to you by Quizilla
 
 
Char Aina
21:15 / 03.06.03
haus, dude, he aint hot. they're lying to you.
 
 
Mourne Kransky
21:52 / 03.06.03
[juvenile titter] hehehe, Haus has wood [/titter]

I, however, must be a bit of a dragon.

Hagrid... ewww...Your secret lover is Hagrid.
Eww..
Please back away from me.

Now!

No, I'm serious.

You're really strange.
Who is your secret Hogwarts Lover?
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
22:30 / 03.06.03
This is just... messed up. We all know that, yes? We are aware of, and comfortable with, the current level of messedupness?

Just checking.
 
 
Mazarine
23:51 / 03.06.03
LuciousYour secret lover is Lucius. Umm..
I guess if the blonde hair does it for you...
You know, he's evil, right?
Who is your secret Hogwarts Lover? brought to you by Quizilla

This is not okay on a variety of levels. I mean what would I say? "Can I braid your hair?"
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
00:15 / 04.06.03
This just can't get any more disturbing.
 
  

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