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Before we even begin, I think I should make it clear that this is not a sexy thread. If you want to talk about some debased form of sexy facemount, then you can start another thread about it. This is my intellectual property and copyright and everything, and what I say goes. And in case anyone is thinking of getting agressive/defensive about this....STOP IT!
Right.
So, who would be your dream facemount? I'm going to start the ball rolling with an old favourite: Buddha.
For why? Well, the reasons are many.
First up, obviously, there's the cachet. I have been trying this out, and literally any conversation can be stopped by a casual comment that you mounted Buddha's face the other Wednesday. Imagine how your friends and employers would look at you.
Second, because the Buddha is a pretty patient chap, and as such would no doubt take in good heart the extensive waxing and shining required as preliminary to a really satisfying facemount.
Third, the Buddha is a portly fellow, and as such it is fairly likely that, no matter how frantically your tiny clawed feet thrash in the quest for better facemount purchase, you will not "put a foot down". Remember, mounting the face is almost exactly like Junior Kickstart, and as such the placing of a foot on the ground is a cause for points deduction. Also, Peter Purves often commentates.
Fourth, A Buddha facemount would be both a spiritual and a multimedia experience. The act could be made unique by gently singing "Buddha" by the Auters (or possibly Black Box Recorder - who knows with that crazy Luke Haines guy!). This would, of course, be even better if it was Buddha's birthday, or failing that either January 1st, Rosh Hashanah or the Chinese New Year.
Oh yes.
How 'bout you? |
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