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"GET the lousy camel jockey!"

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20:23 / 23.01.03

Another near-divinely inspirational meditation upon 9/11 courtesty of the ever-lovin' Jack Chick.

Perhaps most tragic of all is the deterioration, looks-wise, of the archetypal sports-casual Clean-Cut Christian. Back when he was converting Sodomites, he had twinkly come-to-bed eyes and smirked coyly from below his Errol Flynn moustache. These days, he's more John-Waters-does-comedy-Hitler.

He's gone to seed. For shame!

20:28 / 23.01.03

Mama: "May Allah protect you son."

Son: "If he doesn't, I'm toast."

07:37 / 24.01.03

I think there's a healthy dash of Bryan Ferry in there too ...

08:41 / 24.01.03

Hmm. Wonder what he needed the batteries for, so urgently...?

08:51 / 24.01.03

Perhaps his wife needed them for her electric ear cleaner, again.

09:01 / 24.01.03

It's funny in a horrible scary way. I'm reading the stuff about magick now, turns out I'm a Satanist.

Sad thing is there must be people out there who really enjoy these little cartoons of his.

Regrettable Juvenilia

09:15 / 24.01.03

I think the really fucked-up thing is how preferrable Chick's response to 9-11 is to some, including those of the current administration in Washington...

Doesn't the second of these panels just make you want to shout...

..."Kiss him, you fool!"

09:29 / 24.01.03

Jeezuz Chhrrist.. oops soory 'scuse me - wonder what Mama Omar thought when he got in from the shops?

10:02 / 24.01.03

She says, "I've lost my boy"
But she should know
Why he's gone
Because again and again he's explained
He's gone to the

National
To the National
To the National Christ Disco
Because he wants the day to come sooner
He wants the day to come sooner
When he's settled the score...

10:07 / 24.01.03

We hate it when our friends become Christian
And if they're Muslim, that makes it even worse
And if we can destroy them
You bet your life we will
Destroy them
If we can hurt them
Well, we may as well ...
It's really laughable
Ha, ha, ha ...

10:12 / 24.01.03

You're the one for me, Jehosephatty
You're the one I really really love...

10:31 / 24.01.03

(I feel a bit guilty for rotting, but it's your thread Ganesh ...)

Really busy
Busy, busy
Oh, Gomorrah on fire
All around Sodom Square
And you're just so busy
Busy, busy
Busy brimstone
Oh, Gomorrah on fire
(Only the other day)

Was a homo, over-cautious
He made you nervous
And when he said
"I'm gonna have you"
Oh, I really felt for you ...mmm...

So Jack can you squeeze me
Into an empty page of your cartoon;
And supernaturally change me ?
Change me, change
Oh, here in Sodom
"Home of the brash, outrageous and free"
I should be repressed
But I'm remarkably dressed ...

10:40 / 24.01.03

The comic started out really well, then ...

I love the way the poor sinner is convinced of the truth of Jesus by the fact that he appears in the Qoran, but at the end its "God (not Allah)" who will save him.

Chick's a little stricter than even that. Fom his testimonials:

"Many people hate Chick tracts...until they get saved.
You used to turn my stomach, now I support you whole- heartedly. From bondage to freedom (Catholicism to Christ) is what I praise the Lord for. North Carolina"

Oh yeah? Well I say God (in an English accent) is the only one that can save you.

10:54 / 24.01.03

I love the way Chick characters talk in Biblically-dubious parentheses:

"Send them out that we might know them (sexually)!"

I hear words I never read in the Bible...

10:54 / 24.01.03

Man, this is bad, baaaad porn...

ONLY NICE THINGS

10:54 / 24.01.03

Take me to ER for treatment
Beaten for an airplane ride
Stick me with a Bryan Ferry lookalike
Make me throw my Quran aside - besides
God's real, not make-believe
Chick's excited, it's appealing,
Moslems flying into buildings.

Throw me a line, I'm sinking fast
Clutching at straws, can't make it,
Praying for Christ's assurance,
'Caus I lack medical insurance, oh
The Last Judgement's round the corner
I'm so saved, it's so swell,
I'm not going to burn in Hell.

What's his name?
It's Jesus, plain!"

Is it just me, or was anyone else expecting the good Samaritan to finish the comic by saying, a la Phoebe in friends, "Wow. I can't believe you caved like that. I mean, before at least I had some respect for your integrity, and the pride of Islam, but now....I mean, what are you goign to say to all your friends? What are you going to *say*?"

Hattie's Kitchen

12:42 / 24.01.03

I especially like the very basic comic strip with no words, " great for Native Americans!", showing the heathen natives wandering around aimlessly, all stinky and with flies buzzing around their heads for emphasis, until they come to a building with a big sign saying "God"...lo and behold they enter, accept the Big J as their saviour, and are instantly purified and radiating cleanliness...sort of like a holy washing powder commercial.

13:00 / 24.01.03

I think there's a healthy dash of Bryan Ferry in there too ...

Noooo! That fucker looks nothing like Byron Ferrari...not even from the cheezy, sleezy Let's Stick Together period! He's still got more hair than that...come now!

But "Virginia Plain" as hymn...yes, that works for me.

13:18 / 24.01.03

Chick tracts parody site

14:05 / 24.01.03

I seem to remember reading something about Jack suing those parody sites like a Scientologist on the rampage. Wonder when the copyright ends for comical Christian propaganda ®.

Personally I like the part where the doctor fixes the extensive bleeding with cartoon tape.

14:10 / 24.01.03

Speaking of washing powder ads, Hattie.

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:46 / 24.01.03

bear: Sad thing is there must be people out there who really enjoy these little cartoons of his.

Of course there are, Bear. And we don't just enjoy 'em... we fucking love 'em!

(My favourite being the one about the girl going to her first rock concert, and Satan being well-chuffed 'cos her soul's just so his, and then her granny getting a vision and turning up at the gig and saving her...)

Even when I was a Christian I thought Chick was hilarious. As a lapsed atheist I find him to be even better!

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

15:47 / 24.01.03

Damn. Chick's obviously got a better hotline to the Almighty than me, and has called in some favours to fuck with my html... either that or, fool of a sinner that I am, I got it wrong to start with.

22:26 / 24.01.03

I thought Mr. Williams looked like John Waters. (And don't you love how the kid's dog is barking at Omar too? Like he can smell the evil?)

I love how Catholics are going to hell as fast as Satanists. Apparently only Jack Chick is ripe for salvation. It reminds me of the story of the Puritan in the 17th century who decided that out of the Plymouth colony, only him and his wife were going to be saved. The whole rest of the world were heading for hell. (he was booted out, and went and founded Rhode Island)

For a good laugh, check out his "Which Bible translation is right" section. (Hint: Only the King James is the true word of God)

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

08:42 / 25.01.03

Oh, vaguely interesting digression... anyone familiar with that guy who walks up and down Oxford Street with a megaphone, going on about sinners & winners? Yesterday he appeared slightly more rabid than usual- "if you swear, you'll go to hell", he said at one point. Fuck that, I thought, hurrying on, then heard him saying "she's obviously a sinner- she swore at a preacher" and turned round to see a group of girls he'd been hassling all looking nervous yet triumphant. Everyone in the street was smirking at him by this point.There was something very sleazy about the way he kept using the phrase "naughty girls", as well, though I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

Sorry. Back to the Chickster.

The Return Of Rothkoid

09:15 / 25.01.03

Nesh, Loomis: surely "The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get" is word-perfect for Chick? I mean - it all fits, surely?

While you sleep, I will creep (But righteously. Not like those Sodomites.)
Into your thoughts like a bad debt (Like the moneylenders, get what I'm saying?)
That you can't pay (because you're a shiftless sinner)
Take the easy way (the love of the Lord is easy!)
and give in... (TO JESUS!)

The Return Of Rothkoid

09:20 / 25.01.03

And can I just point out how much like a Stentorian Voice Of Superhero Announcement the bit is in The Gay Blade that begins "Out of Satan's shadowy world of homosexuality, in a display of defiance against society, they come forth..."

ROCK! I'd buy that fucking comic. Anybody who made it out of the clutches of motherfuckin' Satan has to be doing something right.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

09:54 / 25.01.03

Don't know any Morrisey so;

The word's on the street: you've found someone new. If he looks nothing like me I'm so happy for you. I heard an old iman has turned to the church - he's trying to replace me, but it'll never work. 'Cos every prayer reminds you of just how sweet it could have been & every time he blesses you it leaves behind the bitter taste of saccharine. A bad cover version of God is not the real thing. Bikini-clad girl on the front who invited you in. Such great disappointment when you got him home - the original was so good; the one you no longer own. & every prayer reminds you of just how sweet it could have been & every time he blesses you, you get the taste of saccharine. It's not easy to forget me, it's so hard to disconnect, when it's electronically reprocessed to give a more life-like effect.
Aah, sing your song about all the sad imitations that got it so wrong: It's like a later "Tom & Jerry" when the two of them could talk, like the Stones since the Eighties, like the last days of Southfork. Like "Planet of the Apes" on TV., the second side of "'Til the Band Comes in", like an own-brand box of cornflakes: he's going to let you down my friend (because he's not God he's just the Devil!)

Our Lady of The Two Towers

09:29 / 07.12.03

Blimey, did I really write that? God I'm good... < ahem > anyway,
What if Jack Chick wrote tracts for the Elder Gods?

16:01 / 07.12.03

What if Jack Chick wrote the New Gods? Eh?

I like this:

"I have never heard that Allah loves me."

"He doesn't, Omar."

16:22 / 07.12.03

He skipped over the part where Lot pimps his daughters to the homosexuals. Darn it.

18:04 / 07.12.03

And the homosexuals go "phwoaarr, prepubescent girls! we are no longer attracted to men!" As one does.

21:10 / 07.12.03

Yes, really.

That's the only way to tell homosexuals from everybody else, nowadays.

Jack The Bodiless

11:44 / 08.12.03

Oh. I thought they had nicer hands? Or am I thinking of supermodels?

Tryphena Absent

11:51 / 08.12.03

No, you're thinking of handmodels.

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