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A Special Barbelith Poll!

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Matthew Fluxington

20:01 / 19.01.03

Two questions, please answer as honestly as you can.

1. When they kick at your front door, how are you gonna come, with your hands on your head, or on the trigger of your gun?

2. When the law breaks in, how you gonna go? Shot down on the pavement or waiting on death row?

William Sack

20:12 / 19.01.03

Like a pussy in both cases, but there would be plenty of time for esprit de l'escalier revisionism in the prison yard.

Our Lady of The Two Towers

20:12 / 19.01.03

hands on head in death row. I've already worked out how to sell out each and every one of you in order to get the death sentence commuted to life without parole.

Linus Dunce

21:01 / 19.01.03

Out the back door and over the garden fence, hopefully.

At the very least, I won't see the bullet coming.

Hattie's Kitchen

21:13 / 19.01.03

With a smile on my face and a song in my heart...Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi of course.

As if. I will simply use my ferocious ninja fighting skills to incapacitate the law enforcement officers and then backflip through a window and disappear into the night...

STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK

21:15 / 19.01.03

I reckon they'd be up the stairs and have me in cuffs before I managed to get my head out from under the duvet... I'd be pleading "okay officer, I'll come quietly, can you just give me ten more minutes..."

Utopia

21:47 / 19.01.03

Finger on the trigger and, though hopefully not, face-down on the pavement.

The Apple-Picker

21:49 / 19.01.03

I'm with Ignatius J. I have no pretenses of bravery or honor.

mixmage

22:03 / 19.01.03

Hats Off to Hattie!!

but don't forget the one-liner before you dissapear... gotta have one these days. Even though the people you say it to are like totally not gonna hear it.

Mazarine

22:11 / 19.01.03

Hands on head, butt on death row. Although there is a slight chance that I'll very slowly bleed out by trying to go out with my hand on the trigger and inadvertantly shooting off my big toe. In any case, I'll probably go out sulking.

Matthew Fluxington

22:30 / 19.01.03

Utopia, why don't you just sic Christina on 'em?

I figure if I'm going to go down, I may as well do my best to be a badass. Finger on the trigger and shot down on the pavement it is!

00:27 / 20.01.03

There would be something terribly satisfying about one's last word being "you'll never take me alive, pigs!"

Saint Keggers

03:36 / 20.01.03

Neither.
I will do the kicking.
I will hold the gun.

paw

03:48 / 20.01.03

how they gonna shoot or kick in my door when i shoot to them through the window that they risk detonating the small nuclear warhead i have strapped to my stomach?

Tezcatlipoca

06:22 / 20.01.03

None. I will have had the foresight to ensure that the police are in fact kicking down the door to one of the many false addresses I maintain in the city.

rizla mission

09:59 / 20.01.03

1. When they kick at your front door, how are you gonna come, with your hands on your head, or on the trigger of your gun?

Leaping out of the back window for a last ditch charge to the railway station I think. Which hopefully would render question 2. irrelevant.

That's assuming I'd done something. I s'pose if I was feeling innocent, I'd be all sensible and trusting and say "why, officers, whatever's the problem?" and so forth.

Loomis

10:13 / 20.01.03

1. Embarrass the police with my coolness as I continue to eat my breakfast and read the paper, withering them in their place with a look straight down my nose.

Either that or tell my flatmate that someone's nicking his car and watch him sprint out the door into a hail of bullets.

2. Prison suicide.

Bill Posters

11:42 / 20.01.03

I'd do what Leon did in the film of that name. Except I can't elaborate at the risk of spoiling.

Actually, in all honesty, knowing me, I'd come quietly (oo-er, no, not that, even I'm not that pervey) and then cry on the phone home 'till Papa Posters got me an expensive lawyer. I have never been able to stand up to a bloody batton charge without bottling it and running like fuck, never mind a bunch of armed cozzas, for I am a delicate thing and I frighten easily.

Mourne Kransky

11:45 / 20.01.03

Having just seen Chicago, I intend to go out with freshly done bangs in my bobbed hair and a high-kickin' dance routine.

I may kick in the door or flourish my sawn-off shotgun in the direction of the officers of the law but my principal concern will be letting the light catch my sequins.

Loomis

12:00 / 20.01.03

Maybe you could call them in advance Xoc, and tell them that you'll co-operate if they come in the door dancing in formation, leaving a space in the middle for you. Then you can bring it on home!

Rage

12:56 / 20.01.03

They don't know about Joe Strummer.

Whisky Priestess

13:01 / 20.01.03

Xoc's idea sounds like fun. But having been playing Mafia for over a week (over as year, feels like) I'd probably demand identification and a warrant from every single officer before deigning either to come quietly or shoot them down like dogs.

Once in prison (death row adds years to your life), I'd form a secret but powerful organisation with some like-minded fellow inmates, and then eliminate the guards, replacing them with my men on the outside, one by one until it was time for a prison break ...

Bill Posters

13:12 / 20.01.03

I can imagine you becoming "top dog" (to use Prisoner Cell Block H talk) with frightening rapidity, Whiskey.

I also thoroughly recommend the German film Run, Lola, Run, for a great 'do I let 'em take me alive?' moment, but again, it's sooooo tense I can't say any more without spoiling.

On topic (or not?), is this the most amazingly brave thing ever? (It's a tale of a near-suicidally brave copper which is recounted towards the end of the article - it starts just below the ad for Spanish holidays, to save you reading the whole thing.) We slag cops off enough here, but just for once, I honestly think that if I believed in medals and all that elitist shite, he should get one for avoiding another race riot and seriously risking his life in the process. (Unless it's just propaganda, of course, in which case I shall feel very stupid indeed for linking it!)

Regrettable Juvenilia

13:58 / 20.01.03

"On the low from po-po, so fuck the Ho-lice
Cuz peace to me is loaded under my seat"

Hmmm. In all seriousness, if they came without warning, I'd probably be so shocked I'd go quietly, guivering like a jelly. However, if I knew they were coming I'd bake a cake, if you catch my drift...

pointless and uncalled for

15:17 / 20.01.03

IRL it's going to be calm and quiet, with a vague air of superiority that will get me pistol-whipped to hell.

In the more prevalent part of my brain then Chow Yun Fat had better stand aside as I will definitely be a nuclear bomb laying motherfucker.

Jack Fear

15:22 / 20.01.03

Naked, screaming, and covered in someone else's blood: that's how I came into this world, and it's how I intend to go out.

pointless and uncalled for

15:24 / 20.01.03

Didn't Floats With Spider come up with that one in reference to getting a tattoo? Or was it clocked from elsewhere?

Elijah, Freelance Rabbi

22:58 / 20.01.03

1. I wouldnt be in the house, but the claymor mines inder the doormat would take care of anyone kicking in the door

2. I would be gunned down in the street before going to prison. Dillinger was always my favorite, and i always hoped to go out that way...

Jack Fear

23:26 / 20.01.03

Didn't Floats With Spider come up with that one ... ?

Probably. I know I first heard it here. But even so, I doubt it was FwS that first came up with it: it's one of those sayings that sounds like it's been around forever. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if it's from a Peckinpah movie...

w1rebaby

23:32 / 20.01.03

I'd like to think my last words would be "fuck you, motherfucker, you'll never take me alive!" but they would probably be "fucking hell, that hurts, jesus shit I wish I'd never done that".

Cherry Bomb

10:11 / 21.01.03

I suppose it depends on why "They" were and what mood I was in...

drzener

18:11 / 21.01.03

finger on trigger
only got a pellet gun
crappy cop killer

cusm

18:35 / 21.01.03

You don't get into Valhalla on your knees.
"Keep charging the enemy so long as there is life."

They might take me, but not without some casualties.

grant

19:23 / 21.01.03

Shot in the back, like Jesse James.

Less searchable M0rd4nt

20:32 / 22.01.03

1) Hands on big magick doobery that will turn me into an immortal daemon as soon as I disincorporate.

2) Laughing maniacally even as the life spills from my now-discarded mortal form.

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