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Sorcery and the vulnerability of faith

  
 
cusm
00:34 / 15.01.03
Recently, I've done a couple of minor workings. They were of the spontaneous sort, where I needed something now, made the right mental gesturing, focused the will, and had an effect. For example, the most recent that got me thinking about this was just about stating my car. The battery couldn't muster enough juice to turn the starter afer numerous tries. Then, I focused, moved energy as it needed to move, willed, turned the key and it fired right up again. Tada!

What got me thinking was the form, the direct sort of sorcery involved. Sorcery, in this case in the SOURCE-ery sense, of basicly causing an effect with will alone and little else. Some might call that sort of thing witchcraft, perhaps. I like to think of it as sorcery, just without the sigels as a medium.

Anyways, the point of this was an observation of the moment of gnosis in which the magick happens. For an instant I am completely sure that the magick will work. I am one with the intent and the application. But more so, there is this feeling of trust that it will work. Or more accurately, faith. I basicly have complete faith in the working at that moment, and through this faith, am utterly vulnerable to the possibility that it might not work. Like there is this all consuming fear that will destroy me if I am wrong in my faith, but I go ahead anyway in the face of it. Its like the level of sureness that the effect will work is proportional to the level of vulnerability I suffer should it not work, to the damage I could take to myself from it. Complete investment is necessary in the moment of gnosis, if anything is withheld, there is only failure. But giviing it all risks it all, but I do it anyway. Sound crazy? Why would anyone want to do magick with risks like that? Though I suppose its only fitting to the art that it works this way. At the moment of greatest power is the greatest vulnerability, that balance must be kept.

Am I making any sense?
 
 
mixmage
00:49 / 15.01.03
Excellent Post!

I'm of a "two-handed" philosophy. On the one hand, I believe totally in what I'm doing, in my pantheon, that my magick works, etc... on the other, I'm a total skeptic - it's all delusion and [sometimes mindboggling] coincidence.

My point is, when I'm doing magick, I forget about the doubt. This doesn't mean it'll definately work, because the norns/fates and my pantheon have their own agenda which my sorcery may or may not serve. If they veto - I accept, especially in the case of "on the spot" weilding. All without resorting to the skeptical hand.

It just works better this way. Give it everything you got, even the fear - if it's needed.
 
 
trouser the trouserian
09:22 / 15.01.03
really thought-provoking stuff, cusm

Dunno if this is related, but I noticed that sometimes, prior to a ritual, I experienced a kind of worry - well, perhaps that's not the right word, more of a kind of 'tension' - a horse trembling in anticipation before before the start of a race - is how I think of it. Anyhow, this 'dynamic tension' seems to me to be part of my build-up towards doing magic. Sometimes it is a real 'fear', but the more intense the feeling, the more intense the magic.

At the moment of greatest power is the greatest vulnerability, that balance must be kept.
Wow, synchronicity. Illmantic & I were talking last night about the 'power' inherent in acknowledging and opening oneself to one's own vulnerabilities.
 
 
Unicornius
22:56 / 15.01.03
You know cusm, that's one of the reasons I stopped playing the guitar, well, stopped doing music altogether. It's one of the reasons artist go mad. It's one of the reasons most normal people become alcoholics or drug adicts. And why many magickians are such assholes (not trying to attack anybody).

I have experienced that feeling not as fear of failure, but as an endless void. Like the abyss. To feel depleted of all that matters, knowing that even total succes means absolute defeat.

And the only reason I can find to why we (as magickians, artists o wahatever) do what we do with such enormous risks... well.. I guess Neil Gaiman was right in Sandman "We do what we do because of who we are, if we did things different then we wouldnt be ourselves". One does all that kind of stuff, all those strange and stupid things, we have those odd attitudes because we have to. Because deep inside we know that life wouldnt have the same flavor otherwise.

By the way I don't think its a matter of faith but rather one of PASSION.
 
 
mixmage
23:54 / 15.01.03
Mohrandir: Fear and the Void

That one really hit home. While my first post might suggest that I am somehow without fear or doubt, this is not the case. The times when "it" leaves me are terrible. To live in the skeptical palm is harrowing to me... I had a few days recently when I felt that I had lost everything without hope of it returning. These are the times when the old me started thinking about "accidents one doesn't get up from".

The loss of faith is something that has plagued me for about half my life; the "two-handed" model is a sleight of mind I developed in the face of such crushing doubt.
 
 
illmatic
11:42 / 16.01.03
Cusm:

Very interesting post.. I’ll tell you what it put me in mind of and you can agree or disagree as you see fit – this is pretty personal to me, something I’m still thinking through, so I’m not expecting everyone to get it, hell, I’m not even expecting to add up a coherent post! But I’d be interested in any feedback.

One point that seems to arise from any act of magick, but especially sorcery or anything directed to the outside world is that of belief. Thinking about belief, it seems to me sometimes if we almost got to choose or evolve a context of beliefs where our magick can “fit in”. Dave Lee has written a lot about this in his book “Chaotopia”.

Now, your comment reminded me of a quote I heard from Genesis P Orridge, to wit “every ritual demands a sacrifice”. I was reading Kenneth & Steffi Grant’s book “Zos Speaks” earlier this week, and Spare recommends some privations and token sacrifices accompanying sigilisation. This piqued my curiosity as one wouldn’t necessarily associate Spare with such “superstitious” gestures. A difficulty I’ve had with magic is believing in it for myself – I know it exists and it works, but I’ve often had the feeling of “why should it work so for me?” Perhaps this is where sigilisation runs out of steam sometimes – once your initial naive practice starts to lose it’s glamour, there’s a feeling you can’t get “something for nothing ” and the steam runs out of the practice because of this. Perhaps this is why the commitment of time, money and emotional energy that you’d put into setting up an altar or painting a yantra works, as a kind of token sacrifice that creates the belief in the magick? It generates the feeling that you deserve it?

I was talking with another magician recently who sees hirself as in the service of their community (however loosely this might be defined.) I felt that this notion of service would empower one’s own magick in this way - working for others serves to circumnavigate your own selfishness and “lust of result”. The sacrifice of time and effort taken on board for others empowers you own self-belief and your own magick. It “fits” – it's a role your carrying out, not just hoping for the odd “freebie”.

You state above “at the moment of greatest power is the greatest vulnerability, that balance must be kept” – maybe this openness is the gesture required, the sacrifice needed to empower your magick. There’s also a sense of balance in what I’ve been talking about above – putting in effort, somehow, into sorcery, to generate results.

Now, you tell me, am I making any sense?
 
 
cusm
17:11 / 16.01.03
Yes, I think so, Illmatic. Sacrifice is an element I had not considered in the experience. The energy for magick to happen has to come from somewhere. If you don't use charged tools, sacrifices, or the support of a community, it comes from you. In orgasm enabled gnosis, I think this is easy to miss, as the very nature of the release of orgasm is a release of personal energy. Without the burst of pleasure to dampen the mind, that same release can be felt most personally.

In feeling that a piece of you is slipping away into the void as Mohrandir mentions (and yes, I know the feeling from music as well, now that you mention it), perhaps this is you being aware and conscious of the experience of sacrificing the energy you place into the working. It may be that the extreme vulnerability I am feeling is the necessary opening required to let this energy flow from me, the all consuming fear of death occurring in the moment of dissolution of ego. It reminds me of Alan Moore's comment in the Tantra episode of Promethia where he says the magickian, who is inherently male for his pursuit of magick, becomes female with the attainment of magick, as he becomes what he has pursued.

As for pasion and faith, in a way, these are much the same things. At least in regards to energy. Or rather, perhaps faith is a passion linked with a belief, a belief fueled by passion. More clumsy words to describe a process of energy difficult to concieve of in discrete terms. I think in this case, the faith in the working means the willingness to give the required amount of energy, even if all you have to give is still not enough to make it work, you'll do it anyway.

Much to chew on.
 
  
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