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Maybe less about what you say than about getting him to open a bit and explain why his behaviour has changed. I know I tend to make less time for friends when I'm in a relationship and probably see a little less of my family, although it's only really one sister whom I see a lot of.
When I've been smitten and in the early stages of a new relationship, friends have often told me later they backed off because they felt a lot of pressure to be ultra nice to the new partner, in order to please me and to grease the social slipways, but this was something they felt uncomfortable with, either because they didn't much like this paragon of virtue I was raving about or because they just didn't know this person and felt unable to get to know them on a level playing field, when I was clearly enraptured. It may feel artificial or hypocritical to others outside the relationship.
Brothers, in my experience, can also feel very protective of their sisters when there's a new male in their lives. Sexist no doubt but there you go. I was prone to being utterly horrid to my sisters' partners. Fortunately the one I really liked whom she met in a gay club turned out to be the husband she is very happy with and the father of her excellent children.
Just try to reassure your brother that you love him and want to continue seeing him often and that his relationship with you predates the other. Try not to be defensive if he expresses qualms about your new living arrangements but be firm. This is a choice you have made for yourself and he really needs to be wishing you well and adjusting to the changed situation. It will be his loss, by the sound of it, if he doesn't get his head around it.
It's also important that he does get a bit more comfortable being around you, with your partner. My sister and her partner used to invite me out to the pub regularly when they were still a new couple and I bonded well with him through getting smashed together and discovering the stuff we had in common, which hadn't seemed like much initially.
Good luck. |
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