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I've been having problems with a downstairs neighbor. It's a very complex situation, financially, emotionally, and morally for me. So I turn to you, my fellow 'Lithers, for help and advice.
My fiance and I are not at all wealthy. He's a full time grad student whose sole source of income is the money from his assistantship, I'm a temp. We don't make a lot of money- enough to cover food, rent, our cable bill, a couple video rentals, a couple books, and a credit card payment.
Back in October, a friend from the city was visiting. He was out having a cigarette, and when he came back up he said 'Hey, your neighbor's crying down there.' She told him her husband was bleeding from his chemo. She asked me if I could give her a ride to the grocery store. I said sure, and took her. On the way to the store she asked if she could have ten dollars. I didn't have any cash, and I told her so.
A few weeks later, she asked me if I could take her to the store again. I was planning on going away for the weekend, my house was a mess, I needed to pick up my paycheck and clean up. I left to go get my check from the temp agency, and when I came back she was waiting outside, her coat on, her purse in hand. I asked her if she'd found someone else to take her, and she said no. I told her I was sorry, but I still didn't have time. She said she'd be quick, and I felt horrible, but I still said no- I didn't have time. We eventually bailed on our plans to go away that weekend- house too messy, too damn tired. The moment we were up and walking around the next morning, she knocked on our door, asking if we could take her now. So my fiance takes her to the store, and she says she's looking for cough drops for her husband. She keeps my fiance out for about an hour, and doesn't buy anything- she couldn't find any cough drops she liked.
This is the point when I started to get very uncomfortable with the situation, and we started to avoid her.
She knocked on our door again the other night, asking for money. We didn't think we had any cash. She then asked if one of us could give her a ride, and given that our whole city is coated in ice, and if someone crashed into us she could sue us as the owner of the car in which she was riding, we said no to that too. She said her husband had gone into cardiac arrest and was in the hospital, and she needed the money for cab fare. So we scrounged together all the cash we had in the house, checking pockets and stuff, ($7) and gave it to her. She then asked my fiance to go back with her into her appartment and help her count it.
This morning I saw her leave in a taxi. My fiance told me that two people came to visit her while she was out, including a social services van. She knocked on our door about an hour ago, asking for more money, and my fiance told her flat out, no. He explained that we don't have a lot of money and that we just can't afford to loan it out. She told him again, she'd pay it back, and he pointed out that she hadn't paid the last money back, and said that we would not give her any more until she'd paid back the first minute loan. She gave him a dismissive wave and walked off without saying a word.
So: On one hand her husband is very ill. She is not all there. But they have frequent visitors, and we know they have an adult son. We seriously can't afford to loan out money. This woman doesn't take no for an answer, she just stands and stares at us and doesn't say anything, which frankly drives me insane. I am very uncomfortable with her knocking on our door, and I hate feeling like I have to sneak into my house to avoid confrontation. Like most people, I want to feel like I'm a good person, but my fiance and I are in no position to help look after a sick elderly couple. I'm trying to be sympathetic, but I'm getting very uncharitable in the head.
So: Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing, any advice on how to handle the situation, or any horror stories about their own neighbors that put my meager troubles to shame? Can someone wiser than me tell me what's the right way to feel? Did anyone get all the way through this initial whingey (sorry, that word is just so much better than whiny) initial post? |
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