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YOGABOXING or: seasonal shitty commercials

 
 
The Strobe
20:33 / 27.12.02
Right. If you live in the UK, you might have recently seen ads for a work-out video/dvd entitled YOGABOXING. It apparently combines "Yoga, Boxing, Tai Chi and Aerobics" to create an unforgettable workout. In which you wobble around like a right dickhead. When the commercial began, with the Monkey!-typefaced word YOGABOXING in big letter across my TV, I thought it was a spoof.

But oh no. It's real, kids. It is a genuine product available in my local Woolworths, next on the shelf to the entire oeuvre of Mr. Motivator.

Christmas brings out the worst in adverts: awful sale ads, dreadful carpet and furniture warehouse shit; I'm sure it's the same around the world. So basically, herein is a thread for you to lay into the CRAPPEST of crap adverts, especially any recent ones due to the XMAS SALES!. (I know we kind of covered this in Zoom-Zoom, but I really wanted to use the word "Yogaboxing" in a thread title, because the more I say it, the funnier it gets).

Yogaboxing.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
01:26 / 28.12.02
The infomercial with the battery-powered brush that spins round. The one that apparently brushes your hair with minimum effort and blatantly makes it static and tangled. The advert lasts for about ten minutes and is hysterically funny the first time you see it but unfortunately loses it humour the second, third, fourth... you get the picture. The brush is sectioned so that the bristles appear at regular intervals around the barrel, I'm worried that people will actually buy it, luckily it's only available through mail order.
 
 
The Return Of Rothkoid
11:13 / 28.12.02
Cheap factory-clearance ads. the ones with gruff voiceovers yammering something about how due to pending legal action, they can't name any of the world-leading brands, but they'll all be clearly shown at the date. Which usually means you'll be spending a couple of hours looking through boxes of no-name thongs in vain hope for some Gucci dacks.
 
 
ONLY NICE THINGS
01:09 / 29.12.02
DFS adverts- haven't seen one of thosefor a long time. And now, instead of one crack addict in a suit with scary white hair terrorizing young couples into buying a sofa, there's a congo line of people all HAPPY AS COKE TO BE BUYINGA SOFA.

Fucking terrifying.
 
 
The Strobe
06:50 / 29.12.02
Ah yes. DFS. Normally in a conga line to a bad MIDI-file knock-off version of some dreadful chart pseudohit, such as "Who Let The Dogs Out". Ugh.

And then the slow-motion bounce of ecstatic-woman onto said sofa.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
07:24 / 29.12.02
The ads for Woolies with Paul Kaye were the nadir of shit Christmas commercials and he seemed to be fully aware of this, trying to give off the impression of 'I'm doing this just for the money'.
And that awful commercial with Denise Van Outen as a Christmas fairy asking celebs what they thought of Christmas, someone mentions Christmas Turkey and Graham Norton goes "No breast for me please!" BECAUSE HE'S A POOF! Oh the hilarity...
 
 
arcboi
11:02 / 01.01.03
I've only got one word to say on this subject: Yogalates
 
 
Eloi Tsabaoth
15:21 / 01.01.03
Neil Morrisey and Lesley Ash. Ack.
"Her lips look like nightcrawlers!"
 
 
Tryphena Absent
20:43 / 01.01.03
Ah but have you seen the Yogalates video? Yo-ga and pi-lat-es combined. After listening to a woman talk in the slowest way possible for ten minutes, apparently this type of speech is relaxing but it managed only to incite extreme agitation, I wanted to mur-der her slowly with great care and attention to my brea-thing.
 
  
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