BARBELITH underground
 

Subcultural engagement for the 21st Century...
Barbelith is a new kind of community (find out more)...
You can login or register.


Sometimes I feel like everyone here hates me.

 
 
Rage
18:32 / 20.12.02
Could my subject title be anymore high school? (or 14 year old girl with "borderline personality disorder?")

My question is this: did I do something no good and horrible?

I'm looking for constructive criticism. Throw the bullets, hey? The other day I felt like I was being too Rage and not Real so I wrote a poem that was Real.

Now I feel like I'm being Real, yet every now and then I'll get the feeling that everyone here has passed some sort of test that I've yet to even take. I'd like to take that test, but I fear that it doesn't exist and that it's one of those Unspoken Artifacts.

Sometimes I don't get the joke.

Let's try another approach: I'd like a fresh start. I'd like you to forget everything you thought you knew about Rage and view me as a New Entity.

I have no idea if I'm being serious here. Half of the shit I say is sarcasm coated in seriousity, the other half is seriousity coated in sarcasm. I think I've managed to blur the lines between these two forms of communication. I don't think I know which is which anymore. Could this be part of the problem?
 
 
Jack Fear
18:48 / 20.12.02
See, the thing is... it's not always about you.

And you shouldn't worry about what we think of you. None of us are real, anyway.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
18:59 / 20.12.02
The test. Yeah I know what you mean by that, it's a weird board, very snobbish but if you just shrug and talk about knickers you should be fine. That's what I suggest, ask everyone what kind of underwear they wear, it's a very interesting topic and links to Christmas because then maybe we'll find out how many people get that stuff as a present.

I think the whole problem begins with the fact that you just said you wanted a fresh start, you want to be new, well this isn't the place to be new-born because here everyone's got this thing about evolving. You grow and acquire an identity or a persona and it lives as a fictionsuit. I think your problem is that you distinguish between Rage and Real when really Rage should be real.
 
 
Rage
19:10 / 20.12.02
I can be a very narcissistic twit sometimes- I'll admit that. I'd probably find a way to relate your belly button lint to my current psychology.
 
 
Our Lady of The Two Towers
19:30 / 20.12.02
I've never hated you Rage, can't think at the moment whether we've ever had any huge soul-searching discussions but ask SFD, I'm useless at going up and talking to people...
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
21:07 / 20.12.02
Everyone has huge-testy feeling sometimes-- like there's a book of instructions that everyone else has been issued but they've hidden your copy. Don't sweat it too much.
 
 
Brigade du jour
21:41 / 20.12.02
Hey I know what you mean. I've been posting a few threads that I thought would spark endless conversation, and NOBODY replied to them.

But it's okay. Just try not to take it personally. Have a big hug.
 
 
Char Aina
22:28 / 20.12.02
its because you're black. or possibly because you're white. it might even be because you are yellow or brown, but i feel that those are less likely.

its DEFINITELY nothing to do with the fact that you are gay.





ps
the test is administered while you are asleep, hence you having no knowledge of it.
 
 
Jack Fear
22:50 / 20.12.02
Just for you, kid: make with the clicky.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:07 / 20.12.02
Y'know what? You're alright.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
23:08 / 20.12.02
Except when you were being Bop. He was a twat. But hey, he's dead now, so it's all good!
 
 
Rage
23:17 / 20.12.02
Jack, that just caused a huge grin on my part. Thank you. Teehee. I'm feeling all giddy now. I want to hug everyone on this message board and sprinkle flowers upon de collective as a whole.

Other times I want to... well... let's just say that I'm trying to work through some personal issues.

We should all do E together!

(Bop was simply a reflection of my youth. My youth was a twat?)
 
 
Rage
23:19 / 20.12.02
And maybe I'll find my copy if I stop looking, Mordant.
 
 
Jack Fear
23:22 / 20.12.02
No E for me, thanks, but maximum big hugs to you. Hang in there: it does get better, honest.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
00:14 / 21.12.02
Ohmygod, can you imagine, everyone on this board pilled up together! What a frightening (yet strangely hysterically funny) thought.
 
 
Charles Darwin
00:24 / 21.12.02
If you ever feel down, medetate on the words "Money is for nothing, chicks for free"
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
00:44 / 21.12.02
What I actually meant was Bop being dead was funny.

Jesus. Barbelith all on pills.

Jesus.
 
 
Rage
01:12 / 21.12.02
I'd hug a dead Bop if I was on E. Would you?
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
01:41 / 21.12.02
That would depend entirely on the quality of the pills.
 
 
Tryphena Absent
01:43 / 21.12.02
I'd walk backwards very fast like a penguin!
 
 
mixmage
01:48 / 21.12.02
... when will he stop being drunk?,/i>

look... I liked ya way back - b4 u deleted the LJ

WTF

some things remain, some change - cling to the right ones.
 
 
Spatula Clarke
02:02 / 21.12.02
I don't think I've ever seen a penguin walk backwards. Interesting...
 
 
Tryphena Absent
02:11 / 21.12.02
exactly
 
 
Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo
04:49 / 21.12.02
We hate that you didn't put a topic abstract in place...

But we love ya. We love everyone. It just takes a while for people to warm up to other people, and this board does seem to take a while to let new people in, which is hard to fathom sometimes.

I've been here for almost three years now and still feel like a newbie.

And somettimes people don't respond to threads. 99 times out of 100 its because they dont' have anything to add.

The other time is because they hate me.

Now give us a hug.
 
 
Saint Keggers
05:30 / 21.12.02
I know I dont hate you.
 
 
autopilot disengaged
08:08 / 21.12.02
awww rage...

honestly, if everybarby was half as honest as you, and genuinely as willing to be challenged, corrected, advised and etc... the board'd be a better place.

i know what you mean about the not-knowing-if-i-actually-meant-that thing as well. happens to me all the time. i say awful things to people i like, i make jokes about things that aren't funny - sometimes i just plain don't make sense... i often don't know why i say the things i do.

but, y'know, you've gotta struggle against cliche - against all the empty gestures - especially bad this time of year, any sense real personal expression buried, become a formality, a ritual. i'm completely convinced that much of the best art being made right now kind of acknowledges this - it's not so much postmodern as brokendown and - fuck - disordered? sometimes the only way to express yrself is found in the absolute impossibility of articulating what you wanna say.

ranting now. 'lost myself on a tangent...'

but, yeah. take a deep breath. don't stress. you're as kool as a polar bear mainlining anti-freeze. have a good xmas and prepare to evolve even further in 2003.
 
 
pointless and uncalled for
09:06 / 21.12.02
I've always liked you, but probably for all of the wrong reasons.
 
 
Less searchable M0rd4nt
09:15 / 21.12.02
Rage, everyone's youth was a twat. Mine especially.
 
 
rizla mission
10:22 / 21.12.02
Yeah, what everyone else said. What we need is more people like Rage, dammit.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:03 / 21.12.02
Yeah, jokin' aside, we all love ya, goddammit.
 
 
STOATIE LIEKS CHOCOLATE MILK
11:04 / 21.12.02
Just to add: Mordant- not everyone's youth was a twat. Mine was a prick.
 
 
Bill Posters
14:08 / 21.12.02
Rage, I don't hate you, you make me laugh, and sometimes I think that your posts are very clever indeed. Don't let the bastards grind you down!
 
 
dj kali_ma
15:07 / 21.12.02
Rage. I know what you mean.

::a::
 
 
Baz Auckland
17:14 / 21.12.02
I'm just starting to recognise your persona! You rock! Barbelith on pills would be fun... except that most of the 1565 are 3000km away...hmm....
 
 
The Natural Way
10:57 / 22.12.02
I've certainly never hated you. I think yr Barbelith's very own perpetual teen. Rga eon!
 
  
Add Your Reply