The chameleon duck is an aquatic bird of the family Anatidae, genus Anas. It is sometimes referred to by the species name Anas pseudoplatyrhynchos, although the scientific community has come to prefer the species name Anas misanthropos. Recently there has been closer scrutiny of this classification, and it may be that soon a separate genus will be created for these unpleasant ducks.
The general appearance of Anas misanthropos is much like other members of its family and genus. This duck has a broad, flat bill, short legs, and webbed feet. This familiar appearance is complemented by an iridesent blue speculum on the wings, much like the mallard. When associating with mallards, the chameleon duck appears to have brown feathers of the same familiar shade. On the rare occasions that this duck has been observed alone or in an exclusive flock of its own species, the color of the feathers match the tones of the background environment.
The chameleon duck is relatively sedentary and does not migrate with the mallards. Instead, some chameleon ducks stay through the winter in the summer habitats of mallards, provided shelter is available close to human populations. Others remain in the mallards' winter habitats throughout the summer, enjoying the airconditioned dwellings of humans by blending imperceptibly with household furnishings.
These southern "winter habitat" members of species Anas misanthropos are of little concern as they subsist largely on food scraps, left-over pizza, chocolate, TV dinners and cats. In fact, they could be considered domesticated if their hosts were aware and welcoming of their presence. However, welcoming would be unlikely, considering the habits of these "winter habitat" chameleon ducks of spitting into their hosts' coffee, biting babies (the technical term is "tasting") left alone in their cribs, leaving dirty underwear and wet bathing costumes in plastic grocery bags or scattered on the floor, and hiding keys.
Despite the objectionable habits of "winter habitat" chameleon ducks, it is the northern "summer habitat" chameleon ducks that are cause for greater concern. During the mild northern summer, when food is plentiful and energy needs are low, these chameleon ducks compete with mallards and other wildlife for tasty vegetation, insects, worms, gastropods and arthropods.
As the dark, cold northern winter approaches, the "summer habitat" chameleon ducks find their food sources greatly diminished while their energy requirements increase to maintain health and body temperature in the icy environment. Abandoned by the moderating influence of the gentle mallards, Anas misanthropos will tend towards aggressive scavenging of human food sources.
As the winter deepens and energy demands further increase, the chameleon duck may eventually broaden its appetite from food for humans, to humans for food. Using their excellent camouflage capabilities, it has been suggested that chameleon ducks have been able to approach humans and quickly, before the human prey can react, gobble humans whole. This problem has been further complicated by the popularity of hand-feeding wild ducks, enabling chameleon ducks to gain open access to human flesh while still in the guise of mallards. In this way, mallards have been accused of becoming "man-eaters" when it was most likely an opportunistic chameleon duck. Duck hunting has also been suspected of enabling chameleon ducks to find plump, high-calorie meals without leaving their familiar "summer habitat".
This difference between the habits of "winter habitat" and "summer habitat" chameleon ducks has long baffled ornithologists. Why do the "summer habitat" chameleon ducks not act like "winter habitat" chameleon ducks? Why don't they just sneak into the homes of humans, and enjoy the heated environment and loaded pantries? It seems the most likely explanation is that this is a cultural difference rather than any biological variation, complemented by a penchant for wet bathing costumes and ice-skating. |
