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Brilliantly bad film titles...

that

20:10 / 13.12.02

There's probably been a thread like this before...but there's no harm in giving it a go again. I know we've had a thread on wonderfully awful films, but I reckon bad film titles deserve a special slot.

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? gets my vote as one of the best bad film titles of all time, and though I've not seen it myself, I'm sure the film lives up to the title.

kid coagulant

20:15 / 13.12.02

'M,MISWD' is not Tori Spelling's best work. She is, however, remarkable as "Violet Bickerstaff" in 'Saved by the Bell'.

that

20:18 / 13.12.02

This isn't about the 'merits' of any of these films... just about the godawful titles. But I'm sure Ms. Spelling performed admirably in the quality show that you mention...

Murray Hamhandler

20:56 / 13.12.02

The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here!

I shit you not.

Baz Auckland

00:28 / 14.12.02

According to my silly book of "facts of the 20th century" the longest movie title is...

"Night of the day of the dawn of the son of the bride of the return of the revenge of the terror of the attack of the evil, mutant, hellbound, zombified, flesh-eating, sub-humanoid, living dead-part 2: In Shocking 2-D"

Link here. Brilliant and bad, yes. Can't say I've seen it though.

Ganesh

00:51 / 14.12.02

Slap Her, She's French. I have very little idea what it's about; with that 'hilarious' title, it's unlikely that I'll ever be moved to find out.

Karasu

12:23 / 15.12.02

Ah, there's some classic crappy titles for films. I prefer the B-Movie titles for sheer shittyness.

Anyone for "Teenage Nymphoid Barbarian In a Dinosaur Hell"?

How about "Surf Nazis Must Die"?

Or even "Girl School Screamers"?

Yup, they do exist, though sadly my local Blockbuster won't stock them anymore.

rizla mission

14:51 / 15.12.02

Surf Nazis must Dies is fucking terrible. I stayed up all night to watch it when it was on Tv at 3am .. and it so wasn't worth it.. doesn't deserve such a great title..

What's that series of Brazilian (I think) horror movies that all have incredibly clunky titles, presumably due to translation difficulties..?

"When Midnight Comes I Will Possess Your Soul" or "I Will Rise From The Grave and Eat Your Heart".. that sort of thing..

Murray Hamhandler

15:31 / 15.12.02

Indeed. Surf Nazis is, unfortunately, one of the few Troma movies that are so bad they're bad. Apparently, Killer Condom is much better.

bjacques

00:26 / 16.12.02

Rizla, you're thinking of Coffin Joe, beloved of gorehounds everywhere.

He has a daughter: http://www.vampira.com.br/

Margin Walker

00:35 / 16.12.02

Lemme see, off hand there's....

The Incredibly Strange Creatures (Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies)
Blood Orgy of the She-Devils
Rat Pfink A Boo Boo
Marihuana--Weed With Roots in Hell
White Slaves of Chinatown
Manos, The Hands of Fate
Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Shieks
Common Law Cabin
Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy
Wrestling Women Vs. The Aztec Mummy
Zontar, The Thing From Venus

and last but not least:
God Told Me To

Mazarine

00:42 / 16.12.02

Damn it, Margin beat me to The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies. So I have to go with "The Attack of the the Eye Creatures." Yup. Two thes. And for some reason the title "Die Another Day" strikes me as really stupid.

And Night of the day of the dawn of the son... (etc.) is hysterical. I highly recommend it if you can get your hands on a copy.

Jack Fear

00:42 / 16.12.02

I remember an interview in which the late James Mason admitted to once have been in a film entitled, simply, Kill!

Which is a great, and incredibly stupid title.

I mean, just say it a few times.

"What's on tonight?"
"Kill!"
"Kill!?"
"Yup, Kill!"

videodrome

16:39 / 16.12.02

Stuff Stephanie In The Incinerator has always held a dear space in my heart, but that may be only because it was written by a friend's father.

This year, we got Ballistic: Ecks VS Sever. Maybe it's not the worst title ever, but it's certainly on the short list of worst films I've ever seen.

Catjerome

17:14 / 16.12.02

Ride the Pink Horse. It's a noir drama, and is supposedly good, according to my English teacher. But the name! Ha ha ha ha ha! It needs an awful tagline like "Line up for your turn on the baloney pony, ladies!"

000

17:29 / 16.12.02

Read an interview with that Finnish bloke today and learned a few, new titles, lessee...

Leningrad Cowboys Do America & the sequel Leningrad Cowboys Meet Moses.

Jack Fear

18:14 / 16.12.02

That's "Lenigrad Cowboys Go America." Great movie--a deadpan comedy classic. Aki Kaurismaki was the director, I believe.

000

19:06 / 16.12.02

As ever, you are right. My pudgy fingers slipped on the keyboard.

The Return Of Rothkoid

21:29 / 16.12.02

Cannibal Hookers and The Cars That Ate Paris. The Wog Boy is a slightly ... queered? ... title, but still makes me feel odd. Freddy Got Fingered. I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.

Brigade du jour

22:20 / 16.12.02

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Not so much bad as misleading. I mean, fair enough, if you were a passing Hindu who refused to comply with some bald nutcase's request that you convert to his fire, blood-drinking and shiny stone-based religion, then you were pretty well fucked, but if you actually worshipped there all you had to do was wave your arms about and contribute to a colossal drunken moan, or sit around hitting rocks with a pickaxe. This is hard work if it's for like eight solid hours and no toilet breaks, but doom? That's a strong word, man.

Ok I admit it, I'm Kevin Smith!

Axel Lambert

22:50 / 16.12.02

Seriously dude, where's my car?

Nah, that one's actually good!

Brigade du jour

23:30 / 16.12.02

Beneath The Bonnet Of The Volvo Parked Round The Corner From The Planet Of The Apes.

No honest, Heston plays this mechanic, right ...

deja_vroom

09:02 / 17.12.02

I liek "Cannibal Poney" and "For God's Sake, Run!". Also "The Killer Lampshade", whose title was a consequence of the film's shitty premise. But this year my favorite is realle the already cited "Die Another Day":

Villain - So, Mr. Bond, feel like... dying... today?
Bond - (Stretches)Nah, I think I'll... die... another... day...

gridley

13:00 / 17.12.02

At the last International Film Festival I went to I saw this South Korean film called "Teenage Hooker Became Killing Machine in Daehakroh." It was one of the most bizarre films I've ever seen.

Brigade du jour

02:04 / 18.12.02

Can I just say - I really should be able to think of loads more bad film titles, but I've gone completely blank. Is it cos I is at work?

Oh hang on ... I'll consult the Golden Turkey Awards and get back to you.

Baz Auckland

03:10 / 18.12.02

B-Movie titles are supposed to be horrible. Much worse in my opinion are examples such as the Bond one above, where there's one horribly written line in the movie that equalls the title. Not that I'll ever see it, but I remember the preview for 'any given sunday' having that in the trailer itself...

Solitaire Rose as Tom Servo

03:44 / 18.12.02

I think I will stick with my favorite bad movie title ever:

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies!

14:51 / 18.12.02

I have a soft spot in my heart for Amazon Women on the Moon.

Brigade du jour

22:24 / 18.12.02

The Penile Crew And The Vaginal Sorority

Find that one in the IMDB

Brigade du jour

00:46 / 19.12.02

This has just come out and I don't know what it is, but the title is enough to put me off - Hey Arnold! The Movie

PatrickMM

16:18 / 31.12.02

The classic Sylvester Stallone vehicle, Stop or My Mom Will Shoot.

rizla mission

11:59 / 01.01.03

The other day I was reading this essay about scary Japanese sex/violence movies which made reference to such (seemingly directly translated) titles as:

The Embryo Hunts in Secret
Inflatable Sex Doll of the Wastelands
Emperor Tomato Ketchup*
Underground Histroy of Japanese Sex Violence 2: Rank Oppressive Evil
Female Hell: Wet Forest

and my personal favourite:

Go, Go, Second Time Virgin!

*presumably this is where Stereolab got the phrase from..?

bjacques

12:26 / 01.01.03

Doctor Butcher, M.D. That stands for "Medical Deviant," and describes the director of this hideous hybrid Filipino movie stitched together from two other movies, as far as I can tell. Somebody's kidnapping and/or killing off expensive prostitutes, while somebody else is conducting gruesome medical experiments. I saw this while tripping on low-grade acid, and noticed that the face of the actor playing the Anglo-American ambassador (presumably of the Anglo-American Embassy in Manila) didn't look right. It was a Filipino actor who'd had cosmetic surgery so he could play this type of character. Dr. Butcher was played by some American-looking guy who looked like a terminal alcoholic. Lotsa graphic disembowelment and dismemberment. I forgot how it ended, but didn't much care.

Brigade du jour

20:15 / 04.01.03

Mutiny On The Buses

The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (bet the multiplexes loved trying to advertise that one)

And of course, a little-known classic from 1977 (and I'm not making this up) - Bollocks

gingerbop

10:39 / 05.01.03

lol my brother in law, rather stupidly, bought dvds from Amazon and got them delivered to our house, but before they came he had to go home to greece. So he went, and my mum had to sign for them when they were delivered. There were about 8, and the first 7 were this that and the other, some ballet videos for my sister, etc etc. Then u got to the bottom of the list:

BIG, FIRM AND SULTRY!

lol i think thats a gr8 title personally! wonder what THAT was about, heh. obviously....um.... about fat, mysterious chickens! What else?!

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